Test Your Imagination and Identify This PUA!

I'm currently preparing a very special piece as a testimony of the boundless admiration I have for some very, very special PUA out there, but today I'll just give you a little teaser. Before said guy over-night transformed into a "pickup coach" he had other ambitions, like teaching kids how to play drums, and playing with dildo-sized drumsticks. Some years later, he produced videos of him hitting on fatties. Funny how life goes.

By the way, if you go to the source, you could actually order this image in a much higher resolution. But this money is probably better spent on something else, maybe a criminal records check.

So, who is this guy? Here are two options for starters:

Boundaries, or: If you let them, they'll walk all over you

A member of my forum, Cani, recently made two excellent posts on personal boundaries (part one, part two). This inspired me to not only think about personal boundaries in relation to picking up women, about which I'll have more to say further down, but also about one source for the often fairly inappropriate behavior you witness from girls, and the sad fact that guys willingly tolerate it, or even think it's "normal".

One of the most striking observations to make in the Western world is indeed that far too many men are willing to let women walk all over them. Part of it is surely due to the mainstream media not only bashing men and spreading lies like the gender pay gap myth. Even worse is that it is nowadays the rule rather than the exception to depict men as fumbling idiots in TV shows, movies, and commercials.

However, if you have ever worked with women in a field that required a modicum of logic, you will have made the conclusion that it is women who often seem severely challenged when it comes to tasks that requires some degree of abstract thinking. No, I am not saying that they are all stupid, and we men without exceptions reincarnations of Isaac Newton. However, you will normally find that women argue in a more irrational manner, which does make them much less suited for some jobs (and of course better suited for others).

But turn on the TV, and you'll find that we men serve as the laughing stock. For starters, check out this compilation of TV spots from world-leading ad agency BBDO:

Of course, we men are all fucking idiots:

This Verizon spot made me puke too:

There are commercial reasons why man-bashing is so prevalent, and it is because women spend more money than men. I was about to write that female spending powers have increased (which is partly true), but female spending often means taking out loans for reasons of conspicuous consumptions. Of course, frivolous consumption in the present leads to severe problems later on, when they'll find that a nest egg might have been more worthwhile than spending money on $400 shoes in their 20s.

While the advertising industry and their clients, i.e. big corporations, do have sound reasons (for them) to flatter the female ego, the consequences are certainly less than favourable. Women adopt a bizarre sense of entitlement, and men think they have to cater to a woman's fickle emotions. It's no surprise that many women, who may more or less successfully fulfill their role at work, behave pretty much like spoilt children in private. Ask any man who has dated a few women, and he'll agree.

If you let them, women will simply walk all over you. For this reason, it is mandatory to draw a line. If a woman insults you, a concept that the "seduction community" calls a "shit test", you put her in her place, and you certainly don't reward her behavior by continuing the interaction ("plowing", in community terms). Just think about what this says about her character, and about yours too!

A second and very common example is that she shows up way too late. About this I have read some of the worst advice imaginable. First, by showing up, say, half an hour late, she tries to figure out how much shit you are willing to take. After about ten minutes, you should already be on your way. Ideally, you schedule your dates in such a way that the time investment for you is minimal anyway (like in a café close to your apartment, or your workplace), and you can easily walk off.

On the other hand, if you just sit there, waiting (I've heard stories of people who were waiting for their dates for up to an hour and then told the girl that it was "no problem at all"), you give off all the wrong signals. One is that you apparently don't value your time at all, but much worse is that you indicate that she can already dictate the terms of the interaction, even though you hardly know her. Basically, you've got "TOOL" written all over your forehead.

Some women just flake, in which case it is best to just forget about her. She'll only deserve a second chance if she has a really good explanation, and is more proactive, too. I personally recommend raising the stake and accepting nothing less than movie or cooking at your place.

However, "community wisdom" disagrees. Once I read, I think it was a David DeAngelo piece of advice, that you should then call her up and play the "Sorry, I was late gambit". Ludicrous! She flaked on you. You waited for an hour until you realize that she probably won't come, but instead of just forgetting about her, some "guru" tells you that you should give her another chance. To make it less awkward for her, you are supposed to tell her that you are sorry for not showing up because of, I don't know, an important business meeting or so (DHV! DHV!). This is downright pathetic, and will only further reinforce that you've got no spine.

In life, you have to figure out for yourself how much abuse you are willing to take. As you have surely noticed, some people will ruthlessly exploit you if you don't draw a line early, and don't kid yourself that it will automatically get better after a while. Just like your boss might at first ask you to stay "half an hour" longer one day, this will eventually grow to one or two hours, and eventually be expected of you. Similarly, a woman might at first ask you for a bit of cash here and there, but once she has tested the water, she'll go all out and wreak havoc on your finances. No, not all will. Just as there are decent employers, so are there good, decent women out there. But not all of them are.

Need some Help: US Criminal Background Check?

I recently received a hint that a moderately well-known PUA has a rather long pre-PUA criminal record. I was given that PUAs name of birth as well, and was also told that in the USA someone's criminal record is public information.

I did try to look up said PUA's crime record, but unfortunately Google returns pages upon pages full of commercial providers, who all seem to tap into the same pool of government information. But how do I access this information directly, without going through a middle man?

Some of those commercial websites give you a "preview", and if they are true, then said PUA (no, not Gunwitch) does indeed have attempted and/or committed some serious crimes. I would like to access those files, and I would of course share anything I find with all of you.

Any help is much appreciated! Feel free to comment below, or send me an email via this contact form.

Thank you very much!

Minimal Game Reviews: Chase Amante and Tao of Dirt

I've been incredibly busy these days, which is why it took me some time to tell you about two excellent reviews of Minimal Game in the blogosphere. The first is by Chase Amante, whom you might now as "Regal" on mASF, and the other by a blogger who goes by the name of Dirt Man. His site is called Tao of Dirt, and worth a visit.

What I find interesting about these reviews is that Dirt Man thinks the book is great for a beginner:

Overall I think this is a solid book, especially for guys getting into the game of meeting and seducing women. As the title suggests, the focus is on principles and attitude, rather than specific routines and what not. In that sense it may seem a bit esoteric to some, but I think in general guys will get it. If you’re advanced, you probably don’t even think about things so much, trust your instincts, and do very little in terms of meeting women. But if you’re not there yet, this is a great place to start.

On the other hand, Chase views it as more suited for people who have gained some experience already:

Much of Minimal Game is aimed at fixing your worldview: how do you see things? Sleazy works at correcting your view of attire, age, looks, women's sexuality, the role women play in a seduction, roadblocks you'll encounter, and a variety of other topics.

While Sleazy does at times give more specific examples, including some openers he uses and some tips on eye contact, this is not a manual for the pure beginner who is at a loss about what to do or what to say. Rather, this is a book suited to the man who has some experience meeting women and is around an intermediate or higher degree of skill and is looking for some higher level direction to apply and refine the mechanics he's already gotten down.

Of course, I believe that Minimal Game is great for you, no matter at which level you are, since it covers the timeless principles of seduction. Therefore, it should be all you'll ever need. Check it out if you haven't already!

A Note on Confidence and Being Cool

I was just going through some recent comments, and came across an excellent one of Skeptic. In response to my Paleo, Freedom Porn, and Tim Ferriss piece, he wrote:

Aaron, I am with you. I can't stand these human exploiters like Timothy Ferriss, Neil Strauss, Robb Wolf, Mark Sisson, PUA community, crapaleo/crossfit community, Fight Club quoting, pseudo-rebel, pseudo-intellectual idiots. A bunch of blind morons who desperately want to belong to some "modern man's man" cult. It's weak and pathetic and I'm tired of it. 

It's also ironic that being "cool" and "charismatic" usually means exactly the opposite of what most people are already doing when they are looking for answers on forums or reading too many self-help books. To be cool/charismatic (which are both kind of stupid concepts anyway when you understand the deeper meaning they point towards) means not really giving a fuck whether you are defined cool or charismatic. Not even giving a fuck whether you give a fuck or not. It also means not needing to be either a leader or a follower of any kind. It's a huge thing to grasp. And to let go of all the bullshit and go one's own path alone seems to be an impenetrable obstacle for most men. 

It's probably always been this way. And always will be. Maybe not. Maybe we could have a society of geniuses one day given the right environment. 

Nevertheless, it seems that most great artists, scientists, philosphers we're iconoclasts. At least in their given field. They were also beyond movements or dogmas. Most of them died unknown and mad. The legends and icons became only after death e.g. Einstein pins.

The part in bold is something everyone who looks towards other people for advice and guidance should think about for a moment or two. No matter what you do, if you only follow someone else, the upside is fairly limited. Sure, it is a fairly risk-free strategy in pretty much any area of life, but it is also one that is limiting.

Speaking of "being cool", I find it ironic that the fashion and advertising industry presents us over and over with new images we should aspire too. However, if we are all "cool", then no one is. This is because then there'll be too many similar people around. Instead, find your own style, figure out your own taste, and don't try to please other people. It's worse enough if you have to do so during work, but in your spare time, you should listen to yourself instead.

In my opinion, the wish to conform often just results from a need to get approval. Of course, if you look like everything else, act like everybody else, listen to the same music as everyone else, and buy what everyone else does, you know that you'll fit in. You'll at least fit in until the next iPhone is released, or the fashion industry tells you that it's now time buy jeans again. It's a never-ending circle. But what if you had developed enough confidence to do what you like?

"Maybe Game made me Weird?" — Johnny's Story

A frequent commenter on my blog, Johnny, recently wrote down his experience with pickup in a number of blog posts. He goes into detail about his background and motivation, describes various encounters with "professional" PUAs, the post bootcamp high, and his eventual disillusionment. Some nay-sayers (aka. shills) will now say that Johnny should have kept approaching, and pony up more cash for some more bootcamps, but as it turned out, he figured out how to picking up girls like normal people do it.

It is not a virgin-to-heaven of pussy story, but a blatantly honest description of a guy who found great success in school and at work, but lacked social skills. (No, "pickup" does not provide you with them.) He ends up in New York, finds the community, and thinks this is the key to success. In a series of posts he details the time he spent trying to learn pick up.


The starting position surely sounds familiar to many of you:

Even experiences from going out should have confirmed that whole thing was shit. I never really used any lines, no eliciting of her values, no NLP, no cocky funny, no behaving alpha, no caveman - none of that. In spite of that, there were plenty of occasions when girls liked me, when I seemingly did nothing - sometimes even did stupid shit. I remember one time after talking to a girl for long, I was drinking beer and suddenly had the urge to cough. Result was that I ended up spraying beer on the bar table from my mouth (I should emphasize that this is usually not me. I am generally a very calm and composed guy :) ). We still made out that night. However because I did not do ANYTHING, and still the girl liked me, I guess that was part of the problem. I wanted to control this thing. I wanted to feel that all this PUA stuff was helping and not that this whole thing is just totally random.

Thus, I ended up discounting all the random occasions when I did not do anything and the girl liked me, and instead focused on the ones where I did do something but nothing happened! I thus felt, I need to get better game!

I don't want to spoil the surprise, but anyone who has attended a bootcamp or listened to a pickup "guru" will nod approvingly. Eventually, though, there is a turning point:

After the bootcamp, I went out and probably did 70-80 street approaches. I got probably more than 25 numbers. All flakes. Every single one of them. Asked them about it. They said - keep doing the same and one day it will all be easier! This was the final nail in the coffin.

I find it remarkable that Johnny was confident enough to see that this "industry" is a joke. On the other hand, there are far too many guys out there who keep approaching despite a complete lack of success. On one of the worst places in this regard, Zan Perrion's Ars Amatoria forum, where people indulge in some absurd medieval fantasies about pursuing women but never having sex with them. There you can find people being proud of having done 1,000 approaches (one date, zero success) and telling to the world that they enjoyed showing appreciation for the wonderful women they have interacted with.

Johnny eventually awakens, and I am proud to say that I have played a role as well:

Overall, I did not get laid even once from all this time in PUA. This was around August of 2011.

This time period detoxing is what changed it for me. I focused purely on doing things that I like. I went about exploring NY on my own. Focused on my dance lessons. Took random lessons here and there. Went out to try new bars and restaurants. Invited friends over from nearby cities. My mood starting lifting up. During this time I also met some awesome cool guys. My dance instructor used to like me a lot - she took me over the weekends to nearby cities where she taught workshops to travel with her and her friends. Everywhere I went, because this time I was just focused on enjoying and not on what I was doing, I actually started noticing for the first time all the girls who liked me. 

There was also severe cognitive dissonance that my mind faced during this time. It did not make sense that so many awesome guys and girls love hanging out with me, invite me to go out with them and I kept bombing so badly at cold approach. Maybe it was "game" that was making me weird?

During this time, one night I went out to a bar with friends, there were this cute girl who was looking at me and smiling, I went up to her, chatted with her about random stuff, she was an intern in the city for the summer and and it all went so smoothly. We exchanged numbers, her friend kept telling us that we should go out together. We hooked up about a week later.This was my first hookup in NY.

It gets even better afterwards.

Overall, I can only encourage you to read Johnny's blog and tell others who are skeptical about PUA about it as well.

The Telegraph on the "Community"

A member of my forum pointed out an excellent article on The Telegraph: Pick-up artists, online seduction and dating tips. For my followers, none of it will be news, but the content is presented in a somewhat mocking tone. Yet, it does point towards some deeper truths which are obvious to critical people, as well as outsiders. Only guys caught up in the community will disagree.

Here are some excerpts:

The dubious ethics
If you didn't think deliberately targeting women with low self-esteem was bad enough, a lot of PUAs base their techniques on something called “neuro-linguistic programming” or NLP. It's purportedly a form of hypnosis, similar to what Paul McKenna might use on you if you wanted to think yourself thin. In other words, if this actually worked, PUAs would be hypnotising women into sex. How this would be ethically distinguishable from drugging them is not obvious. Luckily for everyone, research into NLP suggests that it is nonsense anyway; see below.

The pseudoscience
NLP seems to be claptrap (one psychiatrist, Dr Roderique Davis, describes it as “cargo-cult psychology”, meaning that it was designed to look like science without doing any of the work). But a misunderstanding of complex ideas seems to be at the heart of a lot of pick-up artistry. One PUA, a fat man called Gem, once told The Times that Richard Dawkins' The Selfish Gene taught him “everything I know about pick-up”. One of the figureheads of the movement, David DeAngelo (or “Eben Pagan”) claims to be an aficionado of Ayn Rand. There is a lot of talk of “alpha males” and “beta males” and “psychological anchoring”. It is not clear that any of the people involved know what they are talking about. Dr Petra Boynton, the sex educator and blogger, says that there is “no evidence of effectiveness” for any of the PUA claims.

The men
People who have had dealings with PUAs often use the same term to describe them: “trainspotters”. Like trainspotters, they are obsessed with collecting numbers and statistics; many keep detailed records of every “Close”. The terminology often has a militaristic fantasy feel: even aside from the endless US Army-style acronyms, messages in chatrooms detailing pick-up attempts are called “field reports”, and PUAs discuss “field testing” new techniques, as though they were howitzers rather than glorified chat-up lines. Dr Boynton describes users as “the most vulnerable of men”, and says that the PUA industry is a means of making money from vulnerable people.