Let's talk about Emotions

I received a couple of rather bizarre emails and blog comments recently, in which people (probably shills) were praising the work of some "guru" who, instead of focussing on how to pull girls, was nowadays all about telling guys how to handle their "emotions". This was supposed to be the key to successful long-term relationships and marriages and of course it would pay off plenty in your professional life as well. I felt reminded of virgin gurus who promoted surefire ways of getting laid, and now that this well has run dry, the new business model is apparently "lifestyle coaching" or "life hacking". One might wonder how a guy in his mid- to late 20s who doesn't look like a ladies' man at all is going to say anything particularly insightful about long-term relationships, though.

But let's not pick on those snake oil salesmen and instead discuss how you can get a handle on your emotions. Surprisingly enough this doesn't work through reading books or thinking about hypothetical situations. Instead, it's a matter of practice. Get nervous just talking to some girl? Talk to more girls! Get clingly after you've gotten a girlfriend? Well, why might this be the case, buddy? Could it, just maybe, be a consequence of you not having had much success with girls in your life, and now you think she's the one and only, even though she's a dim-witted brat of at best average looks and a highly defective personality?

This is a serious issue, bro! There are countless examples of guys with little to no sexual experience falling for literally the first girl that was willing to take them. In the best case they ended up in an abusive relationship with skewed power dynamics, paternity fraud, and an eventual divorce. Who could have known guessed?


The core problem is "neediness". The most insecure and inexperienced men obsess over women that hardly pay any attention to them. This is enough for those losers to pump money into that girl, hoping that somehow some kind of sexual relationship will evolve from those shaky foundations. Those guys tell you that they are "dating" some girl, by some definition of dating that does not include any kind of sexual contact.

Guys who are that inexperienced are easily exploited by girls. All it takes is one girl who is willing to kiss them occasionally and fuck them once everty three months. Again, this is not some kind of hypothetical scenario. I've spoken to guys who told me that their girlfriend whom they were dating for months has only had sex with them two or three times. Their girls seemed to care very little for them, and were normally quite noticeably pining for some other guys' cock. Yet, those guys claimed to be "in love". What happens in those situations is that the girl just does not want to be single, since many girls consider it almost as some kind of stigma. If she's single, she must be undesirable, she thinks. Thus, any kind of guy is better than none.

Then there is the issue that some girls, particularly as they get older, view relationships as some kind of business transaction. They are eager to trade their fading looks for a permanent meal ticket. For this purpose sexually inexperienced guys are suddenly very appealing. Indeed, an experience many "nerds" make, as they grow older, is that suddenly women they have been ignored by for years suddenly express their interest, maybe in the form of a message on Facebook where she writes, "Hey, why don't we have coffee to catch up?". Things can go quickly if she's nearing 30 and hasn't yet found a guy who was willing to keep her.

What's that guy supposed to do now? He has virtually no sexual experience, and here's this 30 year old woman who has been pumped and dumped for 15 years straight. He won't have a chance to defend himself against her manipulations. If he lacks a back-bone, and she is just a bit cunning, she'll easily be able to pull his strings. Of course, things like that never happen in real life. Right, guys? Maybe it would help him if he read what some reformed pickup guru has to say about "emotions"?

To avoid ever getting into such a horrible mess you have to get a handle on your emotions the only way possible: through experience. I'm not saying that you have to dump five girls in a row before you can attempt having a serious relationship. Some guys are emotionally more distant by predisposition anyway. However, there are plenty of guys who lack an emotional backbone --- excuse the overextended metaphor. Those people should treat lightly in the dating arena. There are women out there who will insist on marriage after knowing the guy for barely a month. Google is an amazing resource. Here's an excerpt from one of the first stories I dug up:

People are often astonished when I tell them we only dated for three weeks before my husband proposed, and only knew each other for four weeks when we got married. They asked how I knew and I can't explain it to them. I knew he was the one for me, even though I was 25 and he was only 19.

What a fucking coincidence, Jennifer! Dude, if your sexual and romantic experience is close to zero, and you suddenly meet a woman who is hell-bent on making you her boyfriend, and babbles about children and marriage after one or two weeks, you should not think that finally you're about to get your dick wet, but instead you should run for the hills.

You won't be able to sort out your emotional state through introspection. That's just like trying to get buff by reading about lifting weights. Instead, you have to expose yourself to situations where you have to face your emotions. How do you know you might to have to work on that? Easy, if you're together with the first girl you ever met, you certainly have a lot of growing up to do. Or if you find yourself fantasizing about a girl that was merely polite towards you (this is a common PUA trap). Or, if you immediately want any girl you have had any kind of sexual contact with to become your girlfriend. Get some experience! There are a lot of dangerous women out there, so beware.

Microsoft Developed a Bra to Fight Obesity of Women

Sometimes you look at the output of Microsoft and you invariably ask yourself whether they are joking. Just think of the Zune, their SmartWatch or whatever it was called, or their push to abolish ownership for video games with their Xbox One console. The other day, though, I was made aware not of a product that made me pinch myself, but a research paper with the title, "Food and Mood: Just-in-Time Support for Emotional Eating."

In a nutshell, the researchers explored how to detect that someone was about to eat when it wasn't physiologically necessary, and how to keep them from doing so. The article makes for some rather amusing reading, because the researchers put sensors into a bra that would monitor the emotional state of the woman wearing it:

You just can't make that up!


In the paper the term "emotional eating" is used to describe any act of food intake that is not physiologically required. I guess that sounds much more politically correct than "gluttony". I mean, if someone said to Jennifer, "It seems that you are habitually engaging in acts of emotional eating.", she might think that everything is fine. Emotions are the gold standard of female behavior after all. Stay on course, sister! Just consider the "doublethink" you'd have to engage were you to use phrases like that instead of, "Geez, it seems she's about to stuff her face again --- as if she wasn't fat enough already." Nope, it's just "emotional eating". Nothing to worry about.

The hypothesis was that women seem to wolf down all kinds of unhealthy food to feel less depressed better about themselves. You'd really have to commend Microsoft that they not only diagnosed the problem of lacking will-power, but suggested a solution as well. But how does it work? It's quite simple, actually. Those sensors monitor the stress levels of the woman, and if they reach a certain level, apparently people (women) reflexively grab the nearest chocolate bar. Many men complain how unpredictable the behavior of their women is, but apparently this is one area where there is some certainty.

• Step 1: Can't handle your shit.
• Step 2: Get stressed out.
• Step 3: Emotional eating (yay!)

That doesn't seem to make a lot of sense but if I was a woman I could probably "feel" that this was a perfectly plausible behavioral pattern.

Okay, so the little beeper figures out that the female it is monitoring is about to freak out because she realizes she doesn't fit into last year's clothes anymore. To prevent things from getting worse, she might now interact with an app on her phone that is also described in the Microsoft paper. Look at this:

Did the 1st of April by any chance arrive early?

After getting stressed, she then has to breathe deeply. How well did this work? Well, the researchers write that they were able to detect with an accuracy of about 75 % when a woman was entering a heightened emotional state. However, just doing breathing exercises wasn't enough. The women instead would have "personalized interventions" to keep them from eating.

If you thought that a lot of academic research serves no practical purpose, then I hope that this article has helped you change your mind. There is some life-changing work happening out there. The authors even indicate that they have plans to develop devices for men, too. Probably is has to be a cup you'd have to put on the tip of your cock.

By the way, for the study, the researchers were enlisting women who work in their lab. Who knows, maybe they just wanted to see the boobs of their interns.

So, what do you think? Was this real research or did those guys just play a prank on those poor women? Further: do you also "eat emotionally"? (I don't.)

An Anecdote about Absurd Female Entitlement

I travel a lot by train these days. Normally, I take a book and disappear in one of the few quiet areas. Last time, though, I felt a bit too tired to read, so I decided to watch a documentary on my laptop in one of the regular waggons. Shortly after I started the video, the middle-aged woman who was sitting behind me, started talking on , talking on the phone with her daughter or girlfriend or whatever. She was speaking loud enough so that I could easily have followed the conversation.

Instead, I focused on my screen. The big surprise came after about ten or fifteen minutes, because suddenly that woman was standing next to me and telling me that she like me to use headphones. Whoa, sister! I told her that I don't have any head phones with me, and turned my head away again. This didn't deter her, so she added that the video I was watching was disturbing her. It wasn't as if I was watching porn, or a loud action movie, or anything like that.

The whole situation seemed rather absurd, and not just because the volume of my speakers was adjusted so that I could barely hear it. I had actually been taking the other people sitting in the waggon into consideration. This is not at all common behavior. Normally you're exposed to significant noise pollution.
Okay, that woman was still standing next to me and apparently waiting for some kind of reaction. I noticed that some other woman was giving me an angry look. 

Was I now in some fucking feminist fantasy about the collective subjugation of men or what? I told that woman then that, I wasn't creating more noise than many of the other people in the compartment and pointed out that the volume of my computer was certainly lower than her voice when she was speaking on the phone. She then reiterated that I was disturbing her. I couldn't help but point out to her that there was nobody sitting in the quiet area, and that she was welcome to go there if she doesn't want to be disturbed. I really couldn't remember that she had asked me whether I was fine with her having a loud phone conversation either, so I really wondered what had happened to her to have such a ludicrous world view. In the end, I got some more angry looks, but then she buggered off and didn't pester me again.

I then thought that her behavior, as well as the behavior of the woman who gave me an angry look, was indeed quite peculiar. Maybe it was a very fitting example of how many women, particularly feminists, view the world. It's as if they think that they have all the rights, and no obligations at all. Men, on the other hand, have no rights at all. Even worse, the seem to think that they can determine how other people are supposed to act, and bully other people at will.

You can see this clearly whenever feminists play the role of a thought police. You're not supposed to say this or that, can't use male pronouns, heck, you're supposed to admit that male pronouns constitute "violence against women" (I've read bullshit like that online.) Or think of all their anti-male campaigns! They criticize men all day, every day. Yet, whenever someone dares to point out that male privilege is nothing but a figment of their imagination, and backs this up with evidence like the dramatically shorter life-expectancy of men, or the deplorable practice of family courts who would rather give custody rights to the drug-addicted mother than the financially and emotionally stable ex-husband, you're suddenly a "woman-hater", "oppressor" or "rapist". Well, all men are rapists anyway, so that's not really news, or is it?

But do you notice the common theme? It's about women demanding all rights, wanting to share no responsibilities, and expecting men to bend to their will. It's like in traditional dating: She has a job, too, but expects the guy to pay the bill. Even worse, you have a lot of passive-aggressive women who think they can hide their sense of entitlement by saying that it's the duty of the person who asked the other one out to pay. This sounds much more "pc" than "they guy has to pay. Period." Of course, in 99.9 % of cases it is the guy who has to ask the girl out, because all she'll ever be doing is sending ambiguous signals or engage in bullshit like showing active disinterest so that he knows that she's into him. Yes, I know.

How did we even end up in this situation? The other day I was talking with an American about this, and he commented dryly that he's apparently now paying for all the hundreds of black slaves he has owned in a previous life, and the thousands of women he personally kept from voting. To end this post with a practical piece of advice, I suggest that you treat female bullies like male bullies and just call them out on their bullshit. It works wonders, and in rare instances, it may even lead them to change their behavior.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!

Why Relationships work, or don't work

Let's say Joe Ex-PUA listened to me and settled down with a young woman. You may now think, "Wait, how is this supposed to ever work when there will always be other younger women around? Won't he forever be tempted to jump ship?" Well, first, you'll also get older, and your focus in life will eventually shift from getting laid or, in the case of PUAs, fantasizing about getting laid, to something more constructive. Remember, you used to have hobbies in high school! Second, it's really not the case that girls are that easily interchangeable.

I certainly don't want to urge guys to settle down with some random girl, albeit precisely that seems to be what the average Joe is doing. In that case, you're pretty screwed from the get-go. Eventually she'll have a baby, possibly from another man, and she'll calculate for how long she has to remain married to you to maximize alimony payments. Sadly, Joe allowed himself to get bullied into not signing a marriage contract, since doing so would be "unromantic", according to the 32 year-old he married who was desperate to get a guy.


In case there is no sound foundation in a relationship, be it because you are really only together with her because of her looks, and can't stand her personality at all, or because she only has an interest in exploiting you financially, then you're indeed sitting on a time-bomb that might go off any day. Every conflict will erode the little that keeps your relationship together. By forcing yourself to staying with her instead of leaving right now, you are only prolonging the inevitable, while also causing more suffering for yourself.

There is a different scenario, though. Imagine there was a woman you really like. Maybe you were fortunate enough toe meet one or two like that in your life. You enjoy her personality, you've got a similar worldview, but not too similar, and you find her physically attractive, too. You won't come across many such women. A sad realization guys who bang a lot of women make is that they normally can't offer anything besides their pussy. They may be uneducated, and even if they went to top universities, they can be stupid as fuck, with their business or sociology degrees. She probably can't hold her own in a conversation, and if you're particularly unlucky, she may have an absolutely obnoxious personality. Sure, such girls can be fun for two hours, if you don't know much abut them. Eventually, though, you'll think of the opportunity cost of hanging out with her, and will quickly kick her out.

It's really rare to meet a woman you like personality-wise, and who is attractive as well as reasonably smart. Like attracts like, so if you feel drawn to a woman, it's probably mutual. This reasoning does not apply to women who fall for any guy out of sheer desperation, similar to guys who are so messed up that they think any pussy is better than none. Instead, I'm describing how emotionally mature people would interact. Both of you are probably aware of how unusual your relationship is, especially when compared to previous ones. At the very least, this would require a woman who is not completely average, though, since I don't think it's possible to build a deep connection with some chick whose sole interests are doing her nails and having shouting matches with whoever poor soul who is currently banging her. There are a lot of shallow women out there and, yes, I do think they are completely unfit for any kind of relationship.

Thankfully, not all women are like that. With those, then you'll experience, for instance, that shared positive experiences help to reinforce the relationship. What will also happen is that your shared history will only make you fonder of your woman. Ideally, you both want to get the same or something rather similar out of life. It may be children; I think it often is a prime goal in life. You might think of one child, while she dreams of having a larger family. You can't be sure about whether you'd want to have another kid until you've gotten the first one, anyway. So, there are good reasons for staying together. Some goals are completely at odds, though. If your prime interest is sexual, and hers is to spend your money, then there is no common goal to work towards to.

Physical attraction is important, too. In my opinion, everybody who denies that is kidding himself. Sorry, Fat Jenny, nobody cares about your "personality" --- just like you don't care about the "great sense of humor" of a five foot tall guy of a low socio-economic standing. But what about aging? I mean, if you read "manosphere" drivel, you could get the impression that women turn 80 on their 30th birthday. Neither of you will remain 20 forever. However, if you take a girl in her early to mid twenties as your wife when you are in your early thirties, which I consider a reasonable age of marriage for a guy, then you'll grow older with her. She will become the mother of your children, and when she's entering her thirties, you'll be around 40. I don't see why, as long as both stay in shape, physical attraction should suddenly evaporate. On the other hand, if you're a young engineer of 25 and are stupid enough to let yourself get pressured into marrying a 32 year-old woman, then I can easily see why the little physical attraction you might have felt in the beginning will eventually disappear, and why you wonder how come you wake up next to a monster every day.

To summarize this post, I think there is only one way to make a relationship work, and it depends heavily on the starting position. On the other hand, there are countless reasons why a relationship won't work out. In the US relationship counseling is big business --- quite possibly as shady as the PUA industry, but quite certainly a lot bigger. The big elephant in the room those "counselors" don't want to talk about is that many relationships are doomed from the start, and that there is no way to fix them. But, hey, why bother with pesky facts? The alternative is to be very selective about the kind of woman you're getting involved with, and growing the relationship.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!

Attraction and Age Differences

Following up on my post Male Sex Drive from Teenage Years to the Middle Age, I'm now going to answer the the one remaining question:

What is your view about age when dating and chasing girls who are interested in you but significantly younger than you?

First, what exactly is "significantly" supposed to mean? Let's assume we're talking of girls past the threshold of the age of consent. Okay, say, she's 18. How old would a guy have to be in order to be called "significantly older"? I'd say, 25, 26 maybe. Ten years is certainly an age difference I would call significant.

Having settled that, the question then is how this would affect your sex drive. I'm tempted to say quite significantly. Youth is equated with beauty and sexual attractiveness. There are some absurd feminist campaigns that guys should marry someone "their own age", "a mature woman", or "someone who can handle you", but at the end of the day, this is all just so much hot air. Normally, you would pick a younger woman over an older one. This is fine, since girls prefer older guys, too, which explains the malaise of young guys trying to get girls.


The fact that guys want to get with younger girls also explains why older women complain that they are literally invisible. What happened to all those people she loved to complain about because they were "harassing" her? Turns out they now ogle other, younger, chicks instead. Of course, not having men chasing after her means that she now has time to post diatribes online about all those male sexist pigs who would rather stick it into a good-looking girl in her twenties than a "mature" woman of 38, like herself.

I think that it's not just libido-enhancing when your girl is younger. I would even go as far as to say that her youth is libido-enabling. Without her youth, you would not even think of pursuing her. Of course, if you had a weak mind, then feminist rhetoric that tried to shame you for wanting to fornicate with young girls would make you feel bad about your desires. Just think of the guy who asked me that question above: If those young girls are lusting after you, then go for it, man! Just make sure you're not just a walking wallet for them.

Further, let's not forget about biology. Even if some 38-year old thinks that she would be such a great catch, let's just be honest: She's not going to be the mother of your children. On the other hand, if you managed to settle down with a 24 year-old, you could take it easy for a while. Nature is surely not pressuring you to have children right now.

A few years can make quite a difference, as any guy who ever got involved with a woman around 30 has experienced. Many men find their behavior downright absurd. They might push really hard for a relationship, even in the complete absence of interest from the male. His opinion doesn't count, only his sperm. If this describes you, then please be extremely careful about protection, if you really have to get involved with such women. There is a good chance that she's lying to you about being on the pill. I've had this happen, and apparently any guy I know who had sex with more than one or two women, too. Some guys are not so lucky, and were thus tricked into fatherhood. What lovely little angels older women can be!

The ticking biological clock is just one of the reasons why older women can be quite difficult to deal with. They want to pressure you into anything. Of course, they do feel a lot of pressure themselves, realizing that there aren't so many guys interested in her anymore, and seeing friends of hers popping out babies left, right and center doesn't relax her either. But now she's got a new guy, and she's got to make it work! It sounds horrible, right? But now think of how much more easy-going a young girl could be.

Reader Comment on Male Sex Drive during Middle Age

I received an interesting email from a reader (thanks, K.!) regarding my last article Male Sex Drive from Teenage Years to the Middle Age, and thought I better share it with you:

Aaron, 

maybe I'm an anomaly, but I'm just about as horny as I was as a teenager, and don't need little blue pills to get horny, hard or stay hard! Maybe a little motivation for those guys heading into their 30's and 40's, as I'm 59! I attribute it to not smoking, eating healthily as in organic whenever possible, staying away from red meat and keeping in shape at 5'9" and 175 lbs with a flat stomach. Partly genetics maybe, because I have longivity in my family tree on both sides.

I've met some guys in their late 40s and 50s who were in phenomenal shape. No, I didn't ask them how often they had sex, but I think they perform better in the bedroom than all those downtrodden 30-somethings you see everywhere.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!

Male Sex Drive from Teenage Years to the Middle Age

I received an interesting question as part of a longer email the other day. The guy who wrote to me was curious about my view on how the age difference between you and your woman might influences your libido (i.e. are you better off with a younger woman), as well as how your libido changes in general throughout the years:

What is your view about age when dating and chasing girls who are interested in you but significantly younger than you? At what point people stop having sexual libido/desire or their desire decline as they age?

I'll cover the second question in this article, and the other in a follow-up.

Let me tackle the problem of declining libido in several steps. First, male sex drive declines as you get older, but I'll hypothesize that the change is largely due to lifestyle choices and constraints, and not so much due to biological factors. About teenage boys it is said that they would bang a hole in a tree just as well. This is certainly exaggerated, and just another example of the misandry of the mainstream media. Young girls are horny, too, yet no mainstream media buffoon ever wrote that they would shove anything in their vagina.


Regardless of whether teenagers really are hornier, I think it should be highlighted that sexual activity in teenagers seems more pronounced simply because many of them have more time to spare. They are exploring sexuality, and as an added benefit, having sex is a great way to overcome boredom. That kind of behavior is quite obvious among students who have no genuine academic interests, and it's pronounced at so-called party schools, too. Some days ago a commenter on the blog referred to the YouTube channel "I'm Shmacked", which offers OCD-friendly clips depicting the party life at US college campuses. Universities with a stronger academic reputation are conspicuously absent, but you'll find plenty of videos showing students at larger universities getting wasted.

Thus, it seems quite safe to assume that sexual activity among teenagers is not universally higher. It's well-known that a large fraction of incoming freshmen at elite technical universities like MIT are virgins. I doubt that many of those guys will turn into "players" later in their life, even though it's not hard to see how those people could fall for the empty promises of PUAs. In high school the geeks found different ways to occupy themselves.

The general theme is that the amount of spare time and opportunity determines your level of sexual activity. Sure, if you're a journalism freshman at OSU, and there are thousands of women around you could imagine banging, and if just to fill your time, your mind probably starts to wander on occasion. On the other hand, the diligent MIT student who tries wrapping his head around multivariate calculus and who calculates how much sleep he can afford to take the next few days, would view women as a mere distraction.

All those behavioral patterns will be evident later in life too. Even if your sex drive at age 30 was as high as at age 20, the mere fact that you now have to work a day job, commute two hours a day, and have to run errands in the evening will be enough to make you think that your libido has been plummeting. Instead, just like the hypothetical MIT student described above, you have too much to do and too little time. If you worked less, you probably would have more energy to fornicate. Of course, then the problem is that office environments are a pretty bad place to pick up women.

Looking at the situation of men in general, I don't want to dispute that libido decreases with age. However, it is an open question how much of this is due to inevitable hormonal changes, or simply a consequence of lifestyle choices. True, you don't have much of a choice since you'll have to pay your bills somehow, so it's more of a problem of how society is set up. If you're particularly hard-working, you might need a vacation to replenish your energy, before you can think about getting laid again.