Thank You Letter from a Reader

Here's another letter sent from one of my followers. It's Johnny whom you might know from his blog, which is full of gems such as his recent "Women are just as clueless as guys".

He sent me a thank you letter recently, and since the other longer emails I have reposted (always with permission) on my blog turned out to be quite motivational for some of you guys, I'll share this one with you as well:

Hey Sleazy,


I wanted to send you this long due thank you email. The full impact of following the advice on your blog and forum is something which I felt a great deal of earlier but it was more in a prevention of negative aspect kind of way wherein you ended up saving a lot of my time. 



I knew I would begin to see serious positives soon and there have been a few instances lately which have been nothing short of spectacular for me. So nowadays, I just go about doing my own thing and if I sense that a girl likes me, I attempt to move it forward. 


Yesterday, I fucked this girl who I met at a dance workshop. Honestly, in this case I am not even sure what gave me the feeling that she likes me. Nothing makes any logical sense. Maybe she was standing a little closer than most girls would, but hey, this was Argentine tango where we dance chest to chest, so that can't be it. Maybe she was talking with a lot of emotion, who knows. I can't put a finger on it. But it's like the moment I spoke to her, I knew she likes me. We went to a Milonga and took her for drinks after and then back to her place. 


I also went out on a date with my tango instructor! As you might know, dance instructors are usually ridiculously hot and literally get hit on by just too many guys. If I was still in my PUA days, I would probably make a complete fool of myself, or most likely, would never bother hitting on such an "impossible set". Once again, I am not even sure what gave me the impression that she likes me. Maybe she was holding me way too close while dancing, but then you dance chest to chest with every girl so clearly, that can't be it. I honestly don't know what was it, but I just knew. Lets see if I can close the deal with her, but still man, it's amazing how much my intuition has developed with recognizing which women like me. 


My escalation intuition is still not so good yet, but I have a strong feeling that will get really good too. But seriously man, all this is such a far cry from my PUA days where I was blindly hitting on women. Looking back, there were so many days and nights where after hitting on 10 chicks, I couldn't even remember their faces/names 20 mins later. If that is how little I felt about these women, I don't know what were they feeling. 


Recently I got a male friend of mine a date with this waitress. He was literally shocked at my intuition. In this case, she just normally came to collect our drinks order, and asked my friend what he would like to drink, made a couple of suggestions and that's it. I told her dude, she likes you. When he asked me, I tried to give him reasons and his response was like that is just what every waitress does. When I told him go for it, he asked her, can i buy you a drink? She started giggling and the rest as they say, is history. 


Thank you so much man for all your advice. I don't know how much people seriously follow your advice, but it seriously works. 


Thanks again,
Johnny

Another Breakthrough Story

Last week I received a thank you email from "UCB" who has been following my advice and has, as a consequence, found great success with women. It was a great pleasure reading his email. However, I was not only feeling flattered, I  also thought that his story might motivate a few of the guys who feel they are a bit stuck, or who haven't done any active steps yet.

Aaron,

I just wanted to take a moment to personally thank you for putting this site together. Like many guys in my generation, I spent years bouncing in and out of the seduction "community." I'm sure you've heard the story hundreds of times by now, so I won't bore you with the particular details of mine. To be honest, I've always felt that there was something a little bit off about the community. I always felt a lot of shame whenever it came out that I was in any way involved in it, and I stopped going to lair meetings after a couple of months because many of the guys in it were just plain weird, and not all the type of guys I'd want to emulate. But I stuck with it because there just wasn't anything better out there as far as I could see.

I'm not exactly sure how I stumbled upon your blog (I think you were on Assanova's blog roll when www.realmademen.com was active, and I trusted his opinion enough to head on over), but I'm glad I did. Everything you wrote about in "Debunking the Seduction Community" resonated deeply with me. By that point I couldn't even be mad at the community any more. More than anything I was just disappointed that I had wasted so much time in it, and that the guys who were supposed to be doing the most to help men get better with women were often doing the exact opposite. Eventually I picked up Minimal Game, and it was the first pickup book I read that actually mirrored my real life experience. When I thought about the guys I knew personally who were the most successful with women, they all did certain things that are glossed over in traditional pickup material. The things they had in common were that they were all good-looking (though not necessarily traditionally so - the less attractive guys got by by dressing well and focusing on a niche, something you address specifically in your book), they all approached a large number of women, and they were all extremely sexually aggressive -- just as you had stated in your book.

I still wasn't able to figure out how to put it all into practice for myself until I ran across your guest post by Anthony Myers. I've always been into sports and have had a sporty, athletic build, but I don't I ever realized the effect having a great body could have on my attractiveness. Six months on, and I'm stronger, leaner, and more muscular than I've ever been. I've been approached by so many girls in the past month that I now joke that having a nice body is the ultimate peacocking accessory. And following your advice, I've made my niche in places where being strong and athletic is a natural fit. I've joined a couple of team sports leagues and am scheduled for yoga teacher training later this year. I've developed my own personal style: a mix of clean-cut preppy type (think Diesel, J. Crew, Asos, and Express) with a heavy dose of douchebag accessories to add some sexual stereotyping to the mix. I never cold approach anymore - the girls who are interested give far more obvious signs these days. I've had more sexcess (I meant to type that up as success, but I guess it came out as a Freudian slip - sexual success to excess?) this year than I'd had in multiple years combined prior (7 total girls this year, 4 new, with three of those coming in the last month), and I've got a cute girl who's ten years my junior coming over to spend the night with me later -- this one the result of my first ever "daygame" pickup. I wish I could say that pickup was the result of having spent years approaching hundreds of girls and mastering my in-set routine, but the truth is that I'd just hit a couple of personal records in the gym and my confidence level was through the roof. By the time we met eyes in the cafe an hour later, approaching a cute girl was barely an afterthought. It turns out that squatting over two times your bodyweight at 10% body fat is the ultimate affirmation.

Seriously though, I know this is long, but I really can't thank you enough for what you've done here. I fully recognize that I'm the one who had to the do the hard work of getting to the gym every day, but it was your work here that helped open my eyes up to how going to the gym could drastically improve my sex life. I used to loathe going to the gym, now I can't imagine where I'd be without it. If you decide to post this article to your site, please give a very public shout out to Assanova (and ask him to bring his site back!) and the guys over at goodlookingloser as well. I wish this stuff had been around when I was first coming up in the game, as it's the only material that has led to clear, demonstrable results in the dating game for me. The guys coming up and reading your site these days don't realize how good they have it. Thanks again.

- UCB

An Honest Bootcamp Review

There are some big issues with reviews of boot camps online. They are either written by the instructors or people they are hired. This is most obvious when the guy has a post count of just one and then disappears. Further, some companies use high-pressure tactics, literally forcing you to write a positive review in exchange for some intangible benefits, like access to a private PUA lounge, in which instructors allegedly hang out.

Lastly, there is the phenomenon some call "post-bootcamp high". Directly afterwards, some people are very happy about themselves because they managed to talk to some women. This is a huge step up for them. Yet, only in hindsight does it sink in that they actually haven't achieved much, and the gimmicks they have been taught amount for very little.

What I present you here is a very rare kind or review. It was written by XXX, a guy who took a bootcamp with BradP's "Underground Dating Seminar (USD)", and it was originally posted on my form.

I’m fairly new to this forum and my motive is to hopefully persuade people not to take bootcamps (especially not Bradps). I’ve also blocked his website and coach blogs from my computer and I believe that by keeping my negative experience with him in my head, I can avoid paying him any more of my money. I also do not respond to trolls, which Bradp has been doing over in PUAhate to try to lure people into his stupid 3030 forum. 

This account is purposely ambiguous and I wont be naming any names. In advance, I have been spoiled with receiving 1 on 1 attention in other areas of my life, so you will see why I don’t like group instruction. I also prefer infield instruction over asking questions/receiving advice (I can always ask questions on the 30/30 club). But without further ado, here’s my criticism of my bootcamp experience. 

1) Let’s say the student instructor ratio was 3:1. Throughout the weekend, when the instructors weren’t with the other students, some of those students were just standing around. With the money you’re paying (it was about $1200-1300), you ought to receive better infield instruction than that. Like I previously said, I have received 1 on 1 attention in other areas of my life at much cheaper prices than $1300. I could have improved those areas of my life at a faster rate than that of taking a bootcamp. 

2) To continue with point 1, if you have some kind of social anxiety (I’m talking about anxieties such as agoraphobia), you might be better off spending your money on seeing a shrink, because standing around in a bootcamp is an inefficient way of spending your money. 

3) Even when I received 1 on 1 attention, I was constantly told, and I quote, “I’m among the best in the world at this” and “my hourly rate for 1 on 1s is [some price I don’t remember].” This BS irritated me since the former is subjective and the latter should be a lot less. I know of teachers who teach other subjects privately that charge much less and teach more effectively. 

4) The 3rd day review was a waste. The other students and I didn’t do any other approaches. We did receive a Q and A session (which we could have easily done in the 30/30 forum by asking the coach questions there). We were told to write down our goals (we could have googled “how to write effective goals”). We were told to imagine our ideal day (I suspect this is a tactic to make us feel good so we don’t ask for a refund). 

5) The advice I received was generic. I wont say what I received, but I will say the advice you receive (if you take a BC) is only based on what the coach has seen you do during the 3 days. There could be other things in your life that a coach may not know about that could be messing up your sex life. For example, if you still have stuffed animals in your room that might explain why girls don’t mind coming home with you (your front game is good) but when they see your stuffed animals they think you’re a little boy. In hindsight, I know I had other factors that were holding me back yet the coach made it seem like the advice he was giving was the key to my problems. 

6) Bootcamp high: All those “life changing experience” reviews are BS. I bet they were written right after the bootcamp ended just when they felt the rush. But believe me, that high will wear off several months later. But where will your coach who cared about your success be?

There were other minute details but I won’t get into them. I’ve only taken one bootcamp, and if this is how it’s like in the industry, bootcamps should be abolished. They won’t help you get laid, but they’ll help your instructors get paid. People, be reasonable. In the past it was love potions, now its bootcamps. All the seduction industry is doing is attacking your insecurities. Bradp can call it “dating education” if he wants, but to me it sure isn’t. 

“Bradp” has said that he cares about his students getting laid, but his actions show otherwise. Bootcamps aren’t effective and they cost too much. If you care so much why not charge lower for bootcamps? I think it will be even better to just take 1 on 1 instruction. 

I think they key to becoming good at this is consistency and effective instruction. If bootcamps cost less, guys can take them more often. Even if coaches can’t always be with the students, at least the students aren’t spending too much of their money idly. Even better would be when there’s 1 on 1 instruction. All the attention is on you and if the instruction is cheaper, you can take them often.

Tip for Overcoming Approach Anxiety

If you need some food for thought, here are some tips written down by Stelar, whom some of you may know from a number of PUA forums. He has recently joined my forum and made a succinct post full of  interesting advice. I don't agree with everything, but the general direction is certainly very good. Feel free to read the entire article. In this post, though, I will just focus on his very first comment, which is about approach anxiety.

Stelar writes:

For those who have a problem approaching women the cure is very simple. Buy yourself a pack of cigarettes and ask for a light every women you see in the club. You won't even need to say anything , just go to her with the cigarette in your mouth and gesture you want a light. Those who have it , just say to them "forget it , I saw a friend". 

Repeat the above until you find yourself opening any woman without feeling anxious. After the fear is gone drop into "game".

I decided to highlight this one because I think this is the kind of "crutch" that can really help people. When I gave seminars on club game, I had a section in which I told guys on how to deal with social pressure, and advised them to actively seek out (realistic) situations that make them uncomfortable, and "practice" them as long as it takes to get comfortable in them. Of course I wouldn't recommend people to strap a dildo to their forehead (pioneered by "Hypnotica", if I recall correctly), wear boots with ten inch soles (Mystery), or act as if they are gay (Mehow).

For people with little experience it can indeed be daunting to initiate conversations. If you never do this, then you'll probably have a hard time asking out that hot redhead who always sits down next to you in class and regularly asks you for a pencil or a sheet of paper. In this case, it can indeed be helpful to just to simple things like asking random people for the time or directions.

If you lack experience with social interactions, then those are indeed some of the "foundations" you should take care of first.

How to Find Your Niche

While one of the dogmas of the seduction industry is that you should "cold approach" and pester women wherever you go, a much more sensible approach is to find an environment you feel comfortable in and that allows you to meet women with relative ease. This will also spare you the questionable experience of getting turned down by one woman after another.

Surely, you have made the experience that it's easier to speak to class mates than to some random girl that's carrying heavy shopping backs from the mall to her car. Further, it's much easier to find receptive women if you hang out in a club you genuinely enjoy. So, if you go to mainstream clubs, you're definitely better off if you look like the guys from Jersey Shore. This obviously doesn't mean that you can't get laid if you don't.

In a recent post on my forum, Cani posted a neat guide on how to find a better niche for yourself. If you think that, after taking care of your "foundations", the women around you still ignore you, it's probably worth a read. Here's an excerpt that should be quite inspiring already:

1. Find your warm environments. This will take some research, but should not take long at first. You always want to keep you ear to the ground and be open to new suggestions. It is always best to check them out first before commiting (time,effort or money). It is good to try new things out, but try and find things that you can do often. Dont just do one thing and keep changing and doing lots of different things over a long period. To avoid this, go for things you enjoy doing or comfortable being in that situation or those people. 

Types to look at:

=do classes, sports/dance groups, join hobby groups, uni clubs, check out meetup.com

=Build a social circle (from work or from the above idea) and do other things together - house parties, outings etc

=Go to niche activities - goth clubs, art lectures, they may be a lot of people there but you have a lot of common interests - goth music, art.

=Places with the same type of crowd of people that you will probably bump in from time to time (ie not a hobby group, more like a niche club or pub quiz)

=Place you frequent a lot of the time, which is not generaic or mainstream, local pub, pub quiz, meetings, gym, shops, student bar, library

Sexual Attraction and Sexual Availability

There are a lot of great discussions on my forum, so I definitely want to encourage you to check it out. Especially, I'd like to draw your attention to a recent post with the title "Sexual Attraction and Sexual Availability" by Cani.

It's a great "cheat sheet" because he gives pointers on how to find out whether the girl is sexually attracted, sexually available, and whether the "logistics" are good or not. In short, follow those pointers and get laid, or ignore them and keep wasting time with girls that aren't interested. If you still carry around a cheat sheet with routines, then it's probably time to replace it.

To whet your appetite:

To have sex you need to:
- find out if she's sexually attracted to you
- find out if she's sexually available for you
- have good logistics 

(Continue here...)

Wam Approaches and Warm Environments

The heated discussions on my blog about cold approaching and its futility are now over. In the end, the PUA shills receded. I have been very busy recently and couldn't contribute much to the debate in the comments. Yet, as it turned out, my followers were victorious anyway. If you have the stamina, then take a look at those several hundred comments, if only to make yourself acquainted with the shady rhetorical techniques PUAs use, and how to expose them. Apart from that, you'll also get a big dose of common sense.

I didn't intend to write much more about cold approaching and better alternatives. However, Cani, a member of my forum, wrote a great post in which he succinctly defines warm and cold approaches, environments, and looks. It's a great read for anyone who comes from a background in the mainstream seduction community, or who simply lacks social experience, and it will point you in the right direction.

Here's a teaser:

Warm environment = a situation where it is more normal to be social, meet strangers (well not really strangers), have common interests, ie niche place, exclusive niche club scene, university students, work or school, hobby groups, gym, house parties, events where people were invited. You could say there is a spectrum from least to most warm environment, that is going in to much depth and is too subjective, i do believe it is obvious which is most warm or least warm. An overall definition could be, some place where there is some common interest that binds the two of you, ie shopping in the same shop (least warm), working together (most warm) etc.  

What to do - Just find out about her, normal conversation, depending on type of environment calibrate escalation. Now you can always be fake and lie about the common interest, but that is too much effort and a drain on you self esteem doing that to be worth it.