Get out while you can

I gave a talk in Chicago last week. The crowd was pretty excited and I met a number of very interesting people. Among the topics we've discussed was the role of pickup and seduction in your life. One guy in the audience commented:

Isn't it somewhat ironic that you are now in a relationship, after acquiring all those skills?

I don't think it is.

There is a time for everything in life. I think it is rather sad to see people age, while their behavior doesn't change. This is especially true for people within the community, no matter whether they ever got the level of success they were dreaming about or not. I also recently read an interesting thread on PUAHate in which the user Jakal makes the following statement regarding Ross Jeffries, one of the pioneers of this industry:

People still buy his stuff, but if any of you see him today, he's a gray haired, washed up stubbled face jew who is just miserable and lonely in his studio Marina Del Ray apartment.   

I think there is nothing more miserable than a fifty or sixty year old player. It's like forty year old guys walking around in sports clothes (a rather common sight in the States). This is excusable for a fourteen year old. Or think of club girls with wrinkled faces, wearing their daughter's clothes. Life either drags us down, or we accept that we have to grow up as we grow older and change or roles accordingly.

While discussing some related ideas in my upcoming ebook, my friend Corley sent me an article by Toecutter, once a prominent poster on mASF. (The article in question was from a private lounge, though.) Here is an excerpt:

Take a reality check at your lives, fellas. Turn off the bullshit for a second, and examine your own relationships with women. How is it going? Is the community fucking you up? If so, QUIT! Like now. Quit the fucking thing. Get on with your life. Because how would you feel if you could fast forward to 10 years later, and it is still the same as today? 10 years fucking fly, man! You will be 10 years older before you know it. Would you be happy to be still chasing tail and getting the same results that you are getting at the moment?

In fact, "chasing tail" is certainly entertaining, but sooner or later there will be the point where it becomes repetitive. I had such an experience less than a year ago when I was out in Berlin at Berghain, once my favorite clubs (but it has completely gone down a cliff). I was seeing three girls simultaneously, and another girl was dancing in front of me, trying to get my attention. As I was about to make a move, I thought to myself, "Why do you even bother with this? All you have to do is pick up the phone if you want to get laid." At this point I realised what could almost be called the idiocy of pickup.

Once the thrill of the chase is gone and you've seen enough and done it all (and I have certainly seen and experienced what most men only know from porn movies), it really becomes boring. Sure, some guys are obsessed with increasing their "lay count" above everything else, but if you play the game this way, you can never "win". Or do you want to feel like Sisyphos?

The New Thing in the Seduction Community: Not Getting Laid and Being Proud of it!?

The user "Angel" on my forum recently made an interesting observation. Personally, I don't pay much attention to the mainstream seduction community, but he made me aware that there was a recent push of "enlightenment", telling people that they don't need to get laid:

Well, the last few months, in my opinion, I seem to notice a 'trend' that 'inner game and enlightenment' replaces the desire for sex. Its like the guru's out there realised that the guys arent getting laid with their programs, so now they are all coming out with programs to 'become a better man' (cleverly masking the fact that their programs dont work). Inner game and self development cannot become an excuse to not approach or sleep with women I feel. It is perfectly possible to evolve as a man AND sleep with women. In Belgium, the new trend towards 'evolving as a man and inner game' is now used as an excuse of not approaching: I know guys who used to approach and fail, but now stopped approaching all together as they read someone's programme of 'not pursuing', so there basically going out and standing there like they did before the comminuty, but now they actually think they are doing something good (I hope I explain this well).

Check my forum for the full thread. You have to register an account if you don't have one yet.

I'm pretty sure I have heard a similar spin from some Real Social Dynamics guys: "It's all inner game, and if your inner game is tight, the girls will just come." It surely helps protecting the ego.

Not approaching and claiming that this would allow you to become a "better" man is a ridiculous idea. It is less ridiculous than "peacocking" though, instead of dressing with style, which is harder than wearing bizarre necklaces.

The thought that you have to "approach" all the time and sleep with as many women as possible is juvenile to me. People join the pickup community for many reasons, and one is to get a stable sex life. However, what many discover is that once they got a couple of women, this desire usually dissipates. If sex is all you want, why not just stick with a girl you find attractive and like for her personality?

A guy that goes out and picks up girl after girl, even in the rare case that he is successful, reminds me of this Greek fellow. When I began to devote a lot of time to seduction, I realised that the usual "take a girl home" route was on some level boring and predictable. Thus, I experimented with introducing chaotic elements. If you do something that is completely out of the ordinary, you never know what kind of reaction you will yield. Ever tried to kiss a girl right off the bat?

As I ticked off goal after goal, I eventually saw myself getting bored with pickup again. At first I thought the pinnacle was bathroom sex. (See my book for highlights of my development as a seducer.)
Then I lost momentum for a few months. Looking for new goals, I came up with the idea of trying to figure out how to pull girls based merely on escalation. Some weeks later I managed to seduce girls completely non-verbally. The second time, the thrill is not as high. Another goal of mine was pulling a girl instantly. I ticked off that one shortly afterwards. Boredom set in again.

Since I was seeing some girls virtually all the time anyway, chasing sex from new women became less motivating. It all felt way too familiar and unexciting. Eventually, I ended up shrugging off nights as banal where I entered a club, made out with one girl instantly, got bored of her, made out with another one instantly as well, took her to the bathroom a bit later, and eventually back home --- and I didn't even bother writing it up because there was nothing new about it.

Some say the chase is more exciting than the consumption, but once the chase is boring, it's time to realign your life. You either set yourself new goals or look for something else. Once you have reached the sex life you wanted, you can lean back, but anybody who is unsuccessful and choses a path of "self-actualisation" as an excuse of honing his skills as a seducer got it backwards. Some time ago there was a huge push to become "social" instead of learning how to get laid. Now it is this nonsense. I wonder what will be the next big thing of the mainstream industry. Maybe teaching guys how to get laid for a change?