Where Mystery got his Ideas From

Last week I received an interesting email by Andras who has digged up a video that demonstrates how one is supposed to use magic to pick up women. The parallels to Mystery Method are more than obvious.


The marketing is unbelievable. My favorite part is when "Michael Jeffreys" sits in a hot tub with about half a dozen women and then tells the audience that they have "filmed" some of their students in night clubs, and how they successfully picked up women. This then leads to a staged scene, though, in which the actor even looks into the camera.

Enjoy!

Guest Article on Cliff's List: "Spotting Greedy Women"

I completely forgot to mention this article on my blog or the forum. "Spotting Greedy Women" originally appeared on Cliff's List in early January. The backstory is as follows.

When I was going through some of my writings last autumn, I came across notes I had made on dating. As I was sifting through some of my scribblings, containing anecdotes and some rudimentary analysis, it struck me that some of those thoughts should be polished and put online.

I don't plan to release a book on dating and relationship anytime soon, but the article on greedy women I wrote should nonetheless be interesting, and it certainly can stand on its own. It is based on my experiences with dates, and insights into selecting suitable girls for relationships, and on ways to figure out whether she has ulterior motives.

Here's a teaser from the article:

Most guys in the “community” sooner or later want to have a girlfriend. Hopefully, though, they won’t settle for any girl who wants them but make a careful choice instead. Since one of the main gripes with Western women is their rampant materialism if not downright greed, which makes them view men as walking wallets, I’ll give you some good tips on how to easily spot the greedy ones. After all, if her main interest is your bank balance, you better spare yourself the experience of entering a relationship with her.

Commentary on Presence's Breakthrough

Yesterday’s post was about the “breakthrough” of guy who calls himself Presence. He tells about his sudden shift of perceptions, and how this has made his interactions with women a lot better. Today, I want to discuss a few points that will surely be helpful for those of you who have problems with talking to women in a natural way.

 Also, it will cover what some people refer to as "inner game."


I have picked a few interesting quotes, and which I will discuss them in greater detail. The first is about the problem of approaching girls:

I was approaching a lot of girls, and mostly directly because I still can't think of much to say. (I still can't.) But this is simply not a problem for me anymore. I’m just direct.”

Everybody who has ever learnt an “opener” or practiced “routines” should give himself a big slap if he still hasn’t dropped this nonsense. Instead of thinking about what you say, you just follow your instincts, make some random comments, or say something nonchalant like “Hey, how is it going?” This is how people normally start conversations, and there is absolutely no need to overcomplicate this stage of the interactions.


Just think about it: If she likes you, it doesn’t matter all that much what you say (as long as you don’t say anything really stupid), but if she does not like you, then your “who lies more” routine won’t do anything at all for you. I thought that “routines” were not really popular anymore, but as I have recently learnt, the commercial seduction industry has hardly moved one iota. They still target insecure and inexperienced men, and they stand on call filling their heads with bullshit. However, talking to a woman you find interesting is the most normal thing on earth.

But, if that idea of how other people saw me was just my own projection, then other things were probably just projections as well.

I don’t want to make an over-generalization, but for the very most part you are hardly as important to other people as you think. Nobody in the club cares about you, and if you approach a girl like every other guy does (and don’t wear a furry hat), then you won’t draw much attention to you anyway. Even if you spend the whole night just standing around, it won’t matter because nobody will be looking at you. The other people in the club will be too busy trying to look cool and as if they are having fun.

Presence spoke of a “Zen moment”, meaning that he had this realization all of a sudden. This is indeed how those insights happen, and that’s why you could say it’s a sudden shift. It’s like this in many fields, actually. I won’t bother you with examples from geometry, but this is one of the subjects where people normally either get it or they don’t. It’s often just a few key insights that can make them get better grades in a short amount of time. For instance, I used to give private lessons in mathematics as a teenager, and the main issue of my students was that their teacher just didn’t properly explain the material. But once you get it, it just “clicks.”

Likewise, in pickup you may think that you have to have a “routines stack” or I don’t know what else. Once you have the key insight that you can actually just talk to women without any preparation, you will then realize how absurd mainstream pickup material really is. There is nothing that keeps you from approaching women (and now please don’t “read between the lines” that this is an endorsement of indiscriminate cold approaching, because it isn’t.)


I wanted the relationships to validate my and my view of the world. Of course, things don't work that way. The conscious awareness of my disappointment has been liberating: I don't have to project unrealistic ideas on women and relationships anymore.

This is an insight I wish more men would get. I have met so many people who thought that once they get “that special girl” or just any girl at all, their life will be complete. But this is not the case at all. It is true, though, that some men who go through a lot of women often do so to fill a void in their life. Some women are like that as well. But this prevents them from ever getting to know anyone better.

It is quite like any other addiction. Sure, you can down a bottle of vodka or smoke a ton of weed, but what happens once you are sober again? You’ll probably quickly realize that your life is as shitty and incomplete as it was before. Likewise, your proverbial seducer will find after he has had his orgasm that he hasn’t had any further interest in the woman at all. But instead of reflecting on that, he just goes out and hits the clubs again next weekend.

Presence’s story culminates in the following statement, and it’s one I think many guys should let sink in:

The game is exciting again. It was hard. But now it's just fun. I'm loving connecting with girls, where it used to be a chore before. When I see a pretty girl, my mind doesn't run through the programs looking to answer the question "how do I make her like me." That just seems weird to me now. Now, my mind asks "Is she cool enough for me to go and talk to her?"

Do you realize the key part? It’s that “game” is exciting again. This is the complete opposite from what you normally encounter in lairs or on mainstream pickup forums where many guys complain about their failures, or ask how they can keep themselves motivated. But this is the wrong approach. You shouldn’t have to force yourself to talk to girls. Instead, you should talk to girls you genuinely find interesting. What you will also learn is that there really aren’t that many interesting women around, and now please don’t tell me that your average PUA who hits on 50 women a day really wants to find out anything about them. He just wants to get laid, and he doesn’t really care about with whom.



But what if all those people who have either burnt out doing pickup or are still putting themselves under a lot of stress to approach girl after girl would just relax. Only approach her if you feel like approaching her. Let me tell you a big secret, and one the commercial gurus won’t tell you: You only feel approach anxiety because you don’t really want to approach dozens of women on the street or in the club. Who wants to feel like a used cars sales man, after all? On the other hand, if you found yourself, say, rock-climbing with a cool chick, you’d almost automatically end up asking her out. It really is that simple.

Maybe Presence can show some of you the way. When I was reading through his emails, I felt very happy because I realized that he's getting it and that he now knows what seduction and pickup really are all about, and I hope that sharing his story will give some of you who are still struggling some key insights as well.

Presence's Breakthrough

After I my Q&A session at Reddit, I was contacted by a guy called Presence who excitedly told me about his “breakthrough.” Something clicked, and where he had hit a brick wall before, he now found success with women. The collection of his emails amounted to much more than 5,000 words, but I saw some great lessons hidden in it, which is why I was happy to work on it and present it to a wider audience.

Due to my rather busy schedule it took me a long time to go through the text, and edit it, but now it's finally done. What you can read in this blog post is not the story of a guy who found some “magic pill.” Instead, it's about a guy who managed to overcome some mental obstacles. If you can't yet genuinely talk to women and put a lot of pressure on you, then you'll surely get a lot out of this.

Today, I will let Presence speak for himself. But tomorrow, I will post a commentary on some important aspects.




Motivation



Part of the reason that I wrote it all down was that it might help other guys. The breakthrough was really massive, and I think it will enhance the quality of my whole life. I'd love other peoples thoughts on how and why it happened. Another thing that I've noticed since it happened, about four weeks ago now, is that my internal voice has completely changed. Where my internal dialogue used to be quite negative, it is now quite positive.


The voice in my head still hassles the crap out of me, but not to put my down or pull me back. It pushes me forward now. Like, it used to say things like, “'You can never do that, you schmuck. Give it up! Go home!” It now says things like, “You schmuck, you deserve better! Go for it, or you will feel like crap.”




The Story of “Presence”


I've been in the game for about 6 or 7 years. But something happened a few weeks ago that changed everything. I want to share it, because I think it might be really valuable to some of you. In a nutshell, an abrupt shift happened in my head. My game changed overnight . It went from mediocre to explosive. I'm still trying to work out why it happened. I'm not sure exactly why, but I have some ideas. I will give my background, and then a description of my transformation.




Background


I got into game because my love life was shit. I got pretty good, and within a few months I was seeing a bunch of very pretty and really awesome girls. I committed to one girl, broke up with her, and committed to another girl. We were together for about three years. The breakup was hard for me and it shattered my confidence. I never recovered my performance in field. Recently I had a complete change — overnight! Some of the following is pasted from posts on a private seduction forum.


I was completely burnt out. Pickup hadn't been fun for me for at least a year. It was just hard work with no reward. Being in the field wasn't fun. There was this massive split in my head. Part of me just really wanted to roll over and die. It was like I had two completely different sets of beliefs. One said that I was just done. The game was over for me, and I was always going to find it difficult, a hard chore and an emotional minefield of rejection after rejection. Heartbreaking days full of girls letting me know that my value was absolute zero.


Another part of me knew that if I stuck to it, I would win. If I could shift some things around, if I persevered, I could get to a better place. I had to do the incredibly hard work of seeing past my emotions. I knew that other people had had really hard times and still managed to get better. Why shouldn’t I be able to do it, too?


Two Interactions

So, me and SP went out into the city. We played the "violent love taps" game, where if SP sees me going into my own head when I see a girl, or sees me checking out a girl, he starts counting down. If I haven’t approached her by zero, he whacks my arm. I was approaching a lot of girls, and mostly directly because I still can't think of much to say. (I still can't.) But this is simply not a problem for me anymore. I’m just direct.


Here’s one approach: Two gorgeous girls sitting down. I crouch down, eye contact with both, said something like "This is kinda random I know but... [turn to one of the girls]... you are really cute. I had to meet you." I got a very favorable reaction, but I ran out of things to say quickly. So, I turn to the other girl,  and say, "You have to help me out here. Your friend is gorgeous, but I can't think of what to say. What should a guy say?" I was really just being myself. Not trying to be cool. And I was starting to have fun. They loved me. And I felt like a man. I was just doing what a man should be doing: being a charming motherfucker. Alas, both girls had boyfriends.


Some other day I followed a really hot girl into a department store. Again, I ended up being direct and honest: "Hey, this is kinda random, and I feel kinda dorky doing this, but you are gorgeous. I have to meet you" She swoons. She blushes. She thanks me. But, she has a boyfriend. I move on.




A Zen Moment


There was something else that happened when I went to visit SP's city. I hung out with SP and some players at some clubs. We went into one club, and I was just lame, leaning on the bar, just looking at girls. SP came over. I told him that I wasn't approaching because of how I felt about my performance. I obviously looked like some boring guy leaning on the bar, ogling all the hotties. If I went over and tried talking to them I would just look like a random loser hitting on girls.


SP probably won't even remember this, because it was such a tiny thing, but it had kind of an avalanche effect: He tapped me on the the forehead and said "Yeah. It's just [bold]in your head"[/bold], and turned around to go talk to some girls. It was a tiny gesture, but it had a big effect. I knew that he was right. But, if that idea of how other people saw me was just my own projection, then other things were probably just projections as well. I couldn't stop thinking about this. I started supposing alternative realities. Dominoes started to fall. This was actually a a big revelation that made me question a lot of my views, and a lot of things I thought were real. I guess I was ready for it by then, and it just took that simple gesture.


You know, there's one thing that I find funny about this: This part of my story reminds me of so many Zen stories where the apprentice reaches enlightenment after a long, arduous and boring journey, and the master hits him on the head.





A Conversation With Mambo Mike


This goes a bit deeper. It might seem like a meander but I think it sheds a little light on the difficulties I've had over the last year or so. OK, the following happened over the last few days. They are both the result of the change I've been going through, symptomatic of it, and seem to be moving me towards more change.


Mambo is the kind of PUA I like. He's about forty I think. He travels around the country because of his job. He’s  also a really wise fellow. I needed someone to talk to about some things that had I'd been becoming aware of in my own mind. This had occurred to me in the last few days:


I'm deeply disappointed with women. I've had a series of relationships over the years. Every one has ended up with deep heartbreak. I've come away feeling horribly and deeply guilty. Like a failure - without really knowing why. Sometimes my failings were obvious. Sometimes I hadn't done anything wrong, but I still wasn't able to make relationships last.


After growing up being exposed to society’s idea of relationships and happiness over a lifetime, the end of long-term relationships seems like a failure on my part. I've always taken it to heart. In the end, all the guff that I've absorbed from TV and movies and whatever has given me unrealistic ideas on how to achieve happiness in life. And that's a big part of why I've always had such long recovery times from relationships ending.


I think that this is also related to why I've had a hard time trying to be a seducer. I wanted to find emotional fulfillment within seduction and relationships. I wanted the relationships to validate my and my view of the world. Of course, things don't work that way.  The conscious awareness of my disappointment has been liberating: I don't have to project unrealistic ideas on women and relationships anymore.


I tend to brood on past "failures". I think of the women I've connected with in the past, and see the end of our relationships as a source of personal failure. I've felt that I've let these women down really badly. That I've failed them. I'm still working on how to deal with that. I've been trying, and succeeding, to being grateful instead of guilty. Grateful for being able to connect with such beautiful women, and grateful for receiving lessons that have helped me become who I am.




Natural Interactions


So, we go to this party. Natural Friend is there. My god, he is an operator. There's this hot european girl that he is playing with. He's physically brushing her off, and she can't get enough of him. I pull her over, away from matt. Wow. That was cool. But I get kinda bored with her, so I jump into a set with a couple of girls, one of them is the hottie that I've never really interacted with before. It's been a few years since she was last in the country, and she isn't so hot anymore, but I'd still go there.


We chat. Her friend leaves, giving my girl approval to hang with me. I pull hottie over to a seat. The whole time I'm looking for opportunities to put myself out there, make my intent clear. The opportunities come. I use them. I’m just really honest. Like, at one point where it looks like we are going separate ways, she asks "so what are you doing for the next few days?" "Oh, probably madly flirting with you via text. Trying to get you to come over and sleep with me. That's all I'm capable of thinking about right now."


It was awesome. But here's the really interesting thing: [bold]I wasn't joking. I wasn't kidding around. It was kinda funny, and she laughed every time. But I wasn't trying to make her laugh. There was no showmanship, no pick up kung fu. Actually, I was just being really matter-of-fact.[/bold] I just wasn't in the mood to fuck around and wanted to let her know where the cock was. I've got no idea what her emotional response was. I really couldn't tell. She left the party to come with me and Suzy to a club down the road for a while, so I guess that's an IOI.


At the end of the evening I asked her if she wanted to come home with me. She brought up logistical issues. I've got no idea what she really wanted to do. I didn't care. It was all the same to me - even though she was a lot of fun to hang out with.


On my way yesterday to meet another player... Jedi Mike. On the way, a tall, slim, pretty brunette walks past me. Oh god. I slow down. I turn around, think about going after her. But the lord has smiled at me... She has taken a seat on a low brick wall. This is just too perfect. I walk up slowly, smiling. She looks up and sees me. "Hi. I noticed you. You are gorgeous. I have to meet you. Who are you?" "Oh wow. Um... that's cool"... intro's herself.


I was kinda stuck for something to say, and there was this silence. She said something like "it was nice to meet you" or something. I just stay direct, pulling out an old routine, that isn't really a routine... "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" "Sure" "Are you single?" "Why, yes I am single..." "Can I take you out sometime?" She happily gives me her number. I got a fantastic response from her. She loved my directness. And I really didn't feel like a fake. I just felt like a guy doing what guys should be doing. I racked up dates with three girls in the last four days.




“Inner Game”


I've been carrying these really dark emotional states. I've been really really low... and I've been trying to figure out why. Working on seduction was distracting me from addressing this inner stuff. And it was hitting me hard in the field.


Over the years, I've developed a little skill in "following my emotions". Basically, sitting with my emotions and seeing where they lead. Seeing what images, thoughts and impressions they brought up. So, I spent time sitting in my dark states. First I discovered lack of acceptance. Resistance. Then deep wells of guilt and shame that I never knew I had.


A lot of it was guilt from my fucked-up childhood. I was let down by my family in a really big way. I didn't have a normal childhood. My passage into young adulthood was horribly marred, and I ended up spending some time in a youth prison. And some time in a real prison. This is something that most people who know me, don't know anything about at all. Nobody who knows me would even guess this. Partly because I had so much anger at my family, I didn't speak to them for about ten years.


But here's the thing I just found it... a lot of the dark emotions that I've been experiencing have been my guilt at letting my family down. Like, in some warped part of my brain, I let my family down by not being in contact with them for so long. And for not being an ideal son. In my mind, I was the bad son. In my mind, I betrayed my family. Of course that’s a completely twisted way of seeing it. But that weird, suppressed view of things had a powerful control over my emotions. Addressing this has helped me to regain control over my emotions. Also talking about it a little bit helped.


My hand was actually forced a little bit when it came to talking about it. A girl that I've been seeing for a couple of years became a public figure. I knew that my past could create a liability for her, so I came clean about it. She was cool with it. She accepted it. But we couldn't see each other anymore. In summary: Consciously addressing suppressed emotions and working on self-acceptance has helped create the shift that I've been experiencing.


I’m still nervous around girls. I still get approach anxiety. I still feel kinda dorky, and I hide behind the words that I'm saying. But at the same time, I'm completely aware that I'm at my most attractive when I'm actually, as you put it "sharing myself authentically". And I try to do it. I try and relax, breath and just "be myself".




Summary


All of these changes in my thinking happened literally overnight. I don't care about rapport anymore. I'm spending way less energy. I'm being more honest. Sometimes I even feel like I'm being rude. I'm not experiencing AA anymore: all of a sudden, the same feeling in my body is not anxiety. It's excitement.


I've become way less sensitive to IOI's. They just don't seem relevant anymore. And I no longer care about them. I don't care about the girls reaction anymore. She's either coming home with me to have beautiful sex, or she's not. The idea of "building attraction" is irrelevant. Routines just seem weird now. They are irrelevant.


The game is exciting again. It was hard. But now it's just fun. I'm loving connecting with girls, where it used to be a chore before. When I see a pretty girl, my mind doesn't run through the programs looking to answer the question "how do I make her like me." That just seems weird to me now. Now, my mind asks "Is she cool enough for me to go and talk to her?"


If a girl isn't into me, that's cool. If she doesn't text me back or call, that's cool. It has absolutely zero effect on my emotions.

There are Two Enormous Elephants in the Room

Last week was quite busy thanks to literally hundreds of comments on my blog, and most were about the daring notion that cold approaching is a highly inefficient way to meet girls. Eventually, the trolls, PUA shills, and keyboard jockeys disappeared. If you've got some time to kill, it may be interesting to go through the comments because you will not only learn a thing or two about why one of the main ideas of mainstream pickup is nonsensical. You'll also learn about the shady rhetorics their defenders use.

Among the many comments, there are many great statements to be found, made by guys who have found success after turning their back towards mainstream pickup and pursuing a much more plausible and efficient path, such as the one I outline in Minimal Game.

One of the visitors of my blog gave himself the fitting name "fed up with classic dating advice". He left two insightful comments on my article "Why do You Want Pickup to be Difficult!?" He talks about real and imagined limitations, and some basic factors that determine your success with women. It's blunt and honest, but it's the kind of advice that really helps people, unlike the dreck the commercial dating industry churns out. I've waffled on long enough, so here's "fed up with classic dating advice" with his two great blog comments:



To be honest, he's right.


I mean have you read Krauser's blog? The dude roams the street for 8 hours? The dude goes to foreign countries cause else he can't get laid.


There's an enormous elephant in the room that nobody adresses and it's almost always the role that your environment plays. I know a person who's like this as well. He has been with 75 women in his life, yet he's the bigest idiot I've ever met. The majority of these women he encountered when he was travelling abroad (eastern europe, russia). Do you think he has the same succes in his home country? Not a chance! I mean get real dude.....


Think about it. There are so many women in danceclasses. And if you really like to dance, you can go to special dance events. How do you think the girl/guy ratio will play out in that field?


I really can't believe that I led myself get brainwashed by pua and dating advice. That quote from Mark is ridiculous, but I guess he was showing his vulnerability (no pun intended). It's the same with looks, you always hear "all you need to do is work harder", but that is so vague. If you're a bit of a good looking guy (which I am), then you know that women will gladly trade up with you instead of another guy. I've encountered this one a couple of times.


I mean in the game of dating (and life) limitations are very real. For some people these limitations are entirely in their head, but for some it really isn't. 


I wish Mark would explain his premises though. That quote wasn't even taken out of context. The least you could do is explain why you're thinking like that. This could have actually provided usefull information in this discussion.


In reality it's so simple, find out hobbies and interest that are mutual for you and the type of women that you like. Engage in these and go to these events. The process will became way more enjoyable and you'll meet like-minded girls.


I have posted in this thread as well, but I've changed my mind. It's insane, you've never even met these people in real life, yet they have some sort of power over you. 


let's keep dating fun and easy guys! I can't wait till another thread pops up "I have approached 500 women and I had one date". Dear god.... Or the advice that people give to shorter guys "just keep approaching taller women, eventually it will work out". Some shorter guys definetly hook up with taller women, but the exception does not prove the rule. And these are limitations, not limiting beliefs!!!!


I'm really fed up with dating advice. It contains way to much of nurture type of thinking. Not everything is possible for everyone. I think if people could get this into their head, they would actually start enjoying their dating life. 


Here's the second one:


Another enormous elephant that nobody adresses is this idea that everybody can get hot chicks (or the hottest chicks). You know, either you have the looks to get those. And if you don't have the looks, you better be very popular or have a lot of money, fame.


I can understand perfectly why some people only approach women who give them signals. I mean face it, so many guys are borderline depressed due to the constant ammount of rejection that they are facing. Off course when they ask for advice the guru tells them that they are making excuses.


I never encountered this enormous storm of rejection. But I'm starting to belive that if you're average, you better keep it low profile. This may sound cynic, but I see it happenning all the time. Hearing these stories from other guys really makes me realize that I came from a luxury position. 


It's amazing, some guys really have potential and they get good. Others are best served with focusing on other aspects. Become rich, succesfull, that way they can have their picks of the trophy wifes later on.


I mean this has repeated itself over and over in history. 

Interview in Interesting Times Magazine #8

After some delay, the Interview Illuminatus did with me last year has now been re-published in Interesting Times Magazine. You'll find the interview in issue number 8, on pages 28 to 39. In case you are wondering, the book I mention in the last answer is Minimal Game. When we did the interview last year, it was still in the editing stage.

Calling (Out) All PUAs!

PUAs, do you want to become rich and famous? If so, read on!

I had a run-in with Justin Wayne on a bigger PUA forum recently. He claimed that he could consistently get girls out of his league, but when I pressed him, he offered half a dozen alternative interpretations of "out of his league".

However, if "game" claims to have any merit, then it is exactly that: the claim that you could get girls you otherwise wouldn't get. Thus, you see those people writing that you can "bang any woman no matter how you look, how little money you have, where you live etc." Those are of course all bullshitty claims. But what else could they say? Nothing. "Asking girls out game" is just as effective as everything the PUAs have come up with.


Yet, despite all those claims, not once has a PUA come out to demonstrate his incredible abilities. Of course, guys occasionally get a girl that you might assume to be out of your league. Science calls this "assortative mating". Seduction Myth has an article with background information.

"PUAs" are no special snowflakes. Heck, most don't even get laid (seen first hand in London). On the other hand, "AFC Game" occasionally leads to guys getting girls "out of their league" simply by them being their type. The article I just linked to has some nice pictures, too.

To all PUAs (and their shills), let me ask you two questions:
First, do you claim that you are doing better than bog-standard "asking girls out" game?
Second, do you claim that you consistently get women who are out of your league?

(Notice the trap here: if they negated both, then they'd undermine their whole business proposition.)

The seduction industry has been around for well over a decade, and so far NOBODY could prove that he consistently gets women out of his league. If any of you PUAs think you do, you may want to subject your "method" to scrutiny. Maybe contact the guys behind Seduction Myth, or reply to this blog post.

We'll set up a little experiment for you, and if you manage to convincingly demonstrate that you indeed pull women "out of your league" consistently, you'll become a superstar, and will have clients from all over the world knocking on the door. However, so far, no company or guru, when pressed, have agree to an actual study to prove the validity of their claims.

If any of you wants to respond with an ad hominem a la "Sleazy, why don't you let others evaluate your game." or something like that, I have two responses for you:

1) To my knowledge, I am the first (and only) guy in this scene who said that he gets laid due to looks. For starters, I am 6'3", and because I look for mutual interest ("target selection"). I never claimed any mumbo-jumbo or secret powers.

2) I don't claim I get women out of my league. I consider myself fairly good-looking, and that's probably why I never had to bang a fattie.

Lastly, if anyone wants to run the "but you're a commercial guru, too" defence, I'll point out in advance that the "method" I promote got people laid before PUAs confused their minds, and gets people laid who were never exposed to PUA. Also, keep in mind that I don't make a living from being a "guru". For me, this is all just a hobby. This allows me to promote what I consider the truth. I can state things bluntly, even if they may be unpopular. As you surely agree, the commercial players in this industry can't afford this luxury.

So, who of you PUAs is up for the challenge? You claim super powers, so prove it!

Women Are Raised to be Friendly

In yesterday's "Reader Success Story" where one of the commenters on my blog describes his experience with cold approaching women, there was an element that deserves further elaboration:

Over a period of 2 x months I approached 100 or so girls (all hot), on the street, nothing indirect about it at all. Here is what I experienced. 

1. 90% + of the girls responded in a friendly manner. The remaining 10+ brushed me off as quickly as they could. Noone was rude or abusive. 

2. All the girls who didn't brush me off loved the compliments and attention etc. 

3. 95% of the girls told me they had a boyfriend and made their excuses. 

Do you already see the big problem?

Obviously, a lot of PUAs and their sheep-like followers mistake friendliness for sexual interests. It's up to you to decide whether PUAs say this because they just don't know any better or because it's an easy way to trick people.

Think about it: If you taught "game", you could just send a guy to talk to some random girl on the street. More often than not, she'd be friendly, but would eventually decline his advances. But instead of telling him that she's just friendly and it is squat, he'll pat you on your back and say the overly clichéd "You are so money, bro!"


Women are usually raised to be friendly. They'll politely decline requests they are not comfortable with, or they will just flake. In fact, the whole flaking phenomenon can be explained by the woman wanting you to save face in public, which is why she'll give you her number. But later on, she finds it easier to just not show up. Being confrontational on the phone and saying, "You loser, stop calling me!" isn't something many women would do.

This is why aspiring PUAs find that "cold approaching" works, but it doesn't really. She's nice to you even if she's not interested because she thinks she has to be nice. Further, if you can interpret body language properly, you'll also notice that they position themselves defensively. Just look at this:

Vince Kelvin doesn't know that crossed arms isn't a good sign.

Does any of this sound familiar?

To any PUA shills who want to jump on this thread, please ask yourself whether you really have experience that contradicts my statement. Remember, Paul Janka has sex with ten percent of the women whose number he gets. Ten percent! And that's for a Harvard-educated guy who looks like a male model! (No wonder Vince Kelvin does not get anywhere with women.)

So, dear PUA shills, how are your success rates? And how often do you delude yourself into thinking that just because she's friendly, she's interested?

In this vein, let me close with a picture I found on the blog of "Superman PUA" on a short article where he tells people to read "Why Cold Approaching is Pretty Much Useless":

A Reader Success Story

The debate surrounding my article Why Cold Approaching is Pretty Much Useless rages on. Everybody who criticized my position either hadn't read the article, or did lack real world experience. A particularly interesting encounter happened yesterday, when someone sent me angry messages on facebook. I got the impression that he simply lacks sexual experience and for psychological reasons defends a theory he has bought into which hasn't helped him much in scoring girls. I was in a somewhat confrontational mood, so I kept asking him about his "count". Of course, he evaded this question and stuck to his theories.

One of my readers, John Graham, left a great comment on my blog the other day which illustrates perfectly what the problem with cold approaching is. Since the comment thread of the original post is at around 130 already, I decided to republish it on the front page.

Here's John Graham, telling you about his experiences with cold approaching. Enjoy!


Aaron, another good article!


Cold approaching is indeed a waste of time. Allow me to qualify :


I like to meet girls during the day, as clubs don't really do it for me. Prior to attempting 'cold approach' methods, I would go out for an hour or two, browse some shops, maybe purchase a book or something, and keep an eye out for a girl who met the following criteria :-


1. Not in a big group of girls. Alone, or perhaps with just one friend.


2. Not caked in makeup, or carrying one of those tacky handbags with a 'gold' chain for a strap. Usually a gold digger. 


3. My type in terms of looks i.e, shorter, mediterranean or asian (preferably slightly 'bookish'. Smart girls are beautiful too, dontcha know?). 


4. In an environment conducive to opening i.e. bookshop, quiet coffee shop.


5. In a context that gave me a reason to talk to her, even if it's just asking if a seat at the table is taken. 


To hardcore MM technique practicing alpha males such as our friend CDG, this will all seem terribly lame and 'beta'. But guess what? Out of every 
4 or so girls I spoke to, I got a number, followed by a date, followed by sex, and sometimes followed by a relationship. That's a 25% hit ratio, all for a couple of hours spent enjoying myself in the centre of London. All of these girls were charming, kind, and didn't mess me around one bit. If I texted, they texted back. If I rang, they answered or called back. If we arranged to meet, they turned up, on time, well presented, and weren't carrying a single piece of emotional baggage to unload on me.


Having had some success with this approach, I chose to up my game, and try some cold approaches, at the behest of a friend of mine who had been following Rob Judge. We went and did it exactly as per the instructions in the e-book (I confess to skimming over, as it was dull, not that well written, and repetitive). Over a period of 2 x months I approached 100 or so girls (all hot), on the street, nothing indirect about it at all. Here is what I experienced.


1. 90% + of the girls responded in a friendly manner. The remaining 10+ brushed me off as quickly as they could. Noone was rude or abusive.


2. All the girls who didn't brush me off loved the compliments and attention etc.


3. 95% of the girls told me they had a boyfriend and made their excuses. 


4. Of the 5 numbers I got, 2 never replied.


5. Of the 3 girls that replied, 2 came on a date with me.


6. Of the 2 girls I dated, neither would let me kiss them. 


Big fucking victory for direct approach there then. ¬_¬


So my ratio of 25% lay rate, using my own personality, and selecting the most suitable girls in the most ideal situations, dropped to 0% kiss rate using direct approaching. I should point out that I'm not a bad looking guy, just under 6 feet, with good physique, I'm intelligent, with good hobbies and a gift for really good conversation when the mood takes me. In other words, I really have nothing to complain about compared to a lot of the guys into PU. 

"Vince Kelvin is an Entertainer, You Fucks!!1"

I really wanted to stop making fun of Vince Kelvin, but whenever I think that it's been enough now, some more bullshit shows up in my email inbox. Some days ago, I received a notification of a new comment on my classic post "Vince Kelvin, the Joke is on you!" that almost made me spill my mango smoothie.


Even better was that this came in not long after "Sweater" from The Game shared his experience with Vince Kelvin. Money quote: "He talks about "brotherhood" and helping each other, but I think he means "Vince Kelvinhood" and helping Vince pick up."

Anyway, back to Mr Producer. He wrote:

Hey All, 

I shot and edited this video for a Dutch TV broadcast completely independent from the PUAs (never met Vince before that night), and I've gotta say that you guys as a whole take yourselves waaaaay to seriously. The guy is an entertainer! Give him a break! He enjoys making people laugh, whether it be his students, or the bbws he meets on the street. I sure as hell laughed my ass off from behind the camera...  

At least he puts himself out there, and doesn't dedicate who knows how many hours putting someone else down to promote himself. Ahem*  

Glad you thought my video was important enough to take all those screen shots from though! 

Cheers,  

Josh 

So, where shall we start? Maybe with,

Hey Josh, 

I have no problem when people try to be entertainers. In fact, this is a niche I readily support, and I regularly attended stand up comedy events. However, those are normally free of charge or virtually free. Also, I normally get what I expect: some cheap laughs at little cost, and a nice way to waste a couple of hours. 

Now, let's have a look at Vince Kelvin's business proposition. If I take your position, it is something like this: He says that he teaches you how to pickup girls, but instead he just doesn't give a fuck, and makes a fool out of himself by talking to some fatties. Honestly, if Vince had a poster that said: "PUA Comedy Gold in LA! Watch me getting shot down by fatties and scaring hot girls away in less than three seconds. Kids are welcome too. No sexually explicit content.", I'd even consider to advertise him on my blog free of charge.  

Heck, Josh, I wouldn't mind if he charged a tenner for his live performance. Probably, I'd write him a testimonial like, "By watching Vince Kelvin I managed to ruin more keyboards than by active computer use in two decades." Or maybe, "Vince Kelvin's impromptu performances are almost as good as sex, which is great because sex is not what's going to happen."

However, Josh, this is not what Vince Kelvin actually does. He doesn't charge ten bucks for standup comedy. Instead, he claims to teach you how to pick up women (and then you see him talking to rhinoceroses and getting a blow job from a whale). Stuff like this is easily worth ten bucks. However, he charges more like x times 10 to the third power bucks per person. Josh, I am sorry if the last sentence was too much for you. I hope you forgive me. 

But, anyway, Josh, tell me, whaddaya say now?

Cheers, 

Aaron Sleazy

Glitch in the Matrix, Loophole in her System!?

I thought about some of the accusations the PUA crowd made regarding my article Why Cold Approaching is Mostly Useless. It just hit me that those are the guys who love to proclaim that they have found “a glitch in the matrix”, or a “secret loophole”. Their methods don’t give you any better results than “asking girls out game”, though. It’s quite funny that this camp now accuses me of going for “low hanging fruit” when I propose a simple procedure that really allows you to get more (and "better") girls with much less effort. Now suddenly their more complicated “loophole” is preferable to my “low hanging fruits” approach.

It reminded me of some of my opponents in my short chess career. I took up chess shortly after enrolling at university, and progressed rather quickly. After about a year or so, I was playing at a 1600+ level, which is quite decent for an amateur. If you play chess with people who are above the level of wood pushers, you often find guys (you won’t find many girls playing chess) who stick to belief systems that are downright ridiculous and do little to help them improve their game. This might remind you of some other fields.

For instance, some people believe they are superior even if they have just lost to you (again). Their accusations are that you lack insight into some of the finer elements of chess strategy, and may tell you about a so-called “weak pawn” you had here or there. The funny thing is that they could even be right, but if they have blundered away a piece, those minor strategic advantages are useless. In pickup, their accusations are normally plain wrong, though. Sure, you can get laid plenty without “showing vulnerability”. However, you can also “show vulnerability” all night long and not get laid in the end, while Joe Douche fucks his third girl in the bathroom stall.

Similarly, some people have accused me of making “ugly moves” in chess. When you have a clearly winning position, let’s say you are one piece up, you can forget about elaborate strategies. Instead, just force some exchanges, so that the material imbalance becomes more and more pronounced. (This is a method that some textbooks clearly endorse, by the way.) Sure, some may say it is not “elegant”, whatever this may mean, but it’s certainly very efficient. It has the added benefit that you can end the game quickly, and won’t give your passive-aggressive opponent the chance to pull of ridiculous psychological tricks like letting half an hour of their time pass just to annoy you. Further, if you follow a simpler strategy, you minimize the risk of blundering yourself (the parallels to pickup are obvious). There are many bad losers out there.

I don’t want to give you the impression that I was an amazing chess player. I certainly wasn’t, and I have lost plenty of games. However, I always had the decency to give up the game when I was in a clearly lost position, and I didn’t look for excuses because I didn’t see the point in mental exercises that amounted to absurd claims of “yeah, I have lost to him, but I am actually better because…”. No, buddy, you lost, and thus you can’t say that you are the better player. Whether you think you can get some “style points” for elegant wins (which probably all look crude anyway to chess grandmasters) is besides the point. It’s much better if you smash your opponent in 16 moves and less than an hour as opposed to a long and drawn out battle that takes up four hours. A win is a win is a win.

Likewise, if you get laid, but it takes you ten hours with a girl you are less compatible with as opposed to a one-hour date after dancing class with a girl you have something in common with, then I can only say that you should get your priorities straight. Something that takes longer is by definition worse even if if leads to the same result. It’s not that any of those “gamers” do better than anyone else, after all.

There is one important difference between chess players and PUAs. In chess, most players give up when they are in a lost position, and when they are in a clearly drawn position, they agree to a draw. It’s a matter of honor, honesty and decency. Those are qualities that don’t seem to be common among PUAs, though. All I see are plenty of bad losers.

Why do You Want Pickup to be Difficult!?

One of the more ridiculous comments about my rather controversial article “Why Cold Approaching in Mostly Useless” was by Mark Manson (Entropy). Just have a look at this statement and be in awe of his bizarre logic:




What bugs me the most about this though is the mindset it implies. It implies a mindset of, "Hey, you should settle for the low-hanging fruit. Take what's given to you."  

The idea that you should wait around for a girl to make eye contact, or that you have to join classes or groups to make it easier for yourself -- it's saying that you should wait around for women who want you, instead of directly pursuing the women who you want. 

For me, I approach women I want to approach for no other reason than I want to approach them. It doesn't matter if it's in a yoga class, on the street, in a night club or at a friend's birthday party. It doesn't matter if she's been staring at me for five minutes or if she has no idea I exist. I don't care and I don't really think about it. I approach based on MY INTERESTS not based on HER INTERESTS.

Let's just go through the lame rhetorics quickly and point out that "low hanging fruit" in this context means a woman who is obviously interested in you, whom you can get much quicker, and, if you so desire, are more likely to be able to keep around due to shared interests. Suddenly, Mark Manson doesn't seem to have much of a point anymore.

Another trap is that you can force your interest upon the woman. If she doesn't want you, she doesn't want you. At best you are a pan-handler, at worst a slimy insurance broker who forces fraudulent financial products upon an unsuspecting client.

What I find particularly odd is that now all of a sudden it's bad to make life easy for yourself. It's not even the case that you "settle" for anything less. After all, you will end up with much better girls if you skip indiscriminate cold approaches. You’ll find that it is much easier to get along with women who share some of your interests, and you'll probably conclude that all the "advanced game techniques" our PUAs peddle amount to an enormous steamy pile of crap.

Furthermore, let’s not forget that women actively put themselves into places where they want to meet men. They doll themselves up for dancing classes, for instance. This is just the most innocent example. It’s no big revelation if I told you that there are plenty of women who move to bigger cities in the hope of finding a decent husband for themselves. Don’t laugh! This happens on all levels of society. Young women move to the capitals of their country, or even go abroad to New York or London, not just to see the world, but also get themselves some better options than their small home town would provide. For some, just getting citizenship of a more prosperous country is motivation enough.

A great case in point is Tiger Wood’s ex-wife, Elin Nordegren. She was a model with no education, but she actively put herself into a position where she could meet men of enormous socio-economic status (by being au pair to a wealthy and well-connected family), thus trying to cash in on her looks. (And this despite being part of the elites of Swedish society as the daughter of a minister.) Surely she thought she could do better than getting, say, an accountant with a fat wallet in Stockholm.

Among au pairs, this seems to be a common motivation. Just think of the deal they get: they get to live with a wealthy family in an attractive city, help with the household, and in exchange they get a bit of pocket money. From a purely economical standpoint, it’s a highly unattractive deal. But if you imagine that it could net you an investment banker or a golf player. It’s not so bad. And if in the worst case, they end up with a divorce worth more than $100 million.

To connect the lose ends, let me ask you whether you think a guy like Tiger Woods would bother to go out and "cold approach" random girls. Do you really think so? He's just making the best of the option he has, and the average guy can do the same. You will probably not score a girl of Nordegren's caliber, but there are plenty of attractive girls out there who are looking for a decent guy, and who don't want to be approached on the streets like cheap hookers.

Oh, the Controversy!

My recent article Why Cold Approaching is Pretty Much Useless caused quite a stir. On Reddit, I had PUA shills go for my throat, on my blog another shill showed up, trying to convince some of us by changing his story to accommodate our objections. It was a sight to behold.

On PUA Zone, a forum I occasionally check, Keyboard Jockeys and guys who get laid fought it out. I got great support from those who know what pussy feels like, while the others dreamt up bizarre objections (some of which I'll address in a follow-up post). They apparently neither read nor understood my article.
To my great surprise, JWS, with whom I had clashed heads a couple of times on the old mASF forum, asked the nay-sayers some critical questions, too. I was especially pleased to see him point out that there are strong commercial interests tied to the "cold approach" paradigm. After all, if you don't get laid after a workshop, and the gurus tell you you should, what's more obvious than shelling out a couple more grand for more coaching? JWS made an excellent point, and I was glad he had made it. I hadn't considered it because I wanted to abstain from bashing the seduction industry yet again. On the other hand, every time you want to talk common sense, some shills jump on you anyway, so I might as well have addressed it in the first place.

If I am not mistaken, the thread I had started on PUA Zone is now the longest thread in the history of that forum, with something like two dozens of pages of replies. If you have the time, maybe have a look just to see the bizarre arguments people try to make to defend indiscriminate cold approaching. At the very least, though, please read on for the feedback of CharlesDexterWard, who allowed me to reproduce his comment on my blog. (The original comment is here.) Anybody who is not a PUA shill, not a commercial PUA, and not brainwashed, but simply wants to lead a healthy life and get laid will surely agree with what CharlesDexterWard has to say.

I'm so happy I found this thread. Last month I've been going out regularly in order to learn how to cold approach women in clubs, so that I can get my love life under control.

It has made me really, really unhappy.

Before reading this, I was slowly coming to many of the conclusions presented here by Sleazy and JWS.

Why did I decide to go cold approaching in clubs at all? I used to be quite good once upon a time. I was the "silent killer" Franco talked about: I saw women in the midst of everything, and they saw me. Like count Vlad in Bram Stokers movie. I got laid with new women quite frequently, but some of them were social circle, others were online, and some were actually from the clubs I went to.

I felt very powerful and in control of my life at this time. Of course, I failed with some really attractive women, but it didn't bother me that much. The power came from two things:

1) Living an awesome life. My current period of not feeling very awesome has encouraged me to analyze what I was doing with my life. I had passions, that allowed me to feel I was learning and growing. I practiced muay thai, later brasilian jiu-jitsu. I learned difficult songs on the guitar, I sculpted miniatures of ancient warriors and beasts from scratch. I bought a helmet and went riding (maybe I should become gay?)

2) I never ever went out to "cold approach" or "pick up women". I went out to spend time with people I liked, who inspired me. Usually I got entangled in new social circles, or a conversation with a previously unknown attractive woman just started naturally.

Point 2 takes a bit of courage. It requires that one stops trying and lets things take their natural course.

It is also a good idea to practice gartitude for what you have. Many people are clueless, or suffer from diseases.

Guess this PUA, Part II

Vince Kelvin isn't the only PUA who looks pretty fucked up. The guy in this picture is among the biggest bullshitters in this scene, but he tries to keep a low profile. One wonders why.

Who do you think this is?

(Note: This PUA has posted that picture on the Internet a couple of years ago, along with some others, to demonstrate his "skillz" and since then tries to take them down. But the Streisand Effect is a bitch.)

A Seduction and Hypnotic Revolution!!!

My girlfriend occasionally has a look at my blog, and one thing she said was, "Why do you keep making fun of those people? They are such easy targets." She definitely has a point. Ridiculing the likes of Real Social Dynamic's Tyler, Vince Kelvin or Vin DiCarlo is hardly challenging. It's not as if I have to think about their output for hours until I finally find an angle to refute their statements. Instead, I look at it, and I am shocked and surprised at the depths those people reach. Then I laugh, and when I laugh so hard that my neighbors knock, I normally type something up so that others can share my enjoyment.

It's not all fun and games, though as it is indeed the sad reality that too many clueless fall for the empty claims and promises of PUAs. The mere thought that a mentally healthy person could look up to a person like Vince Kelvin may be absurd to you, but if someone really is socially inexperienced, then I can understand that you can be tricked.

I did receive some interesting reader feedback. The guy wants to remain anonymous, but has allowed me to quote his statement in full:

Ripping on Vince Kelvin is truly a public service. Meeting him in LA began my decision to GTFO of "the Game" and actually meet a few psychologically healthy people.

What ended it for good? Those photos from the Casanova Crew's Memorial Day picnic. Not a tit in sight. In a public park. In Los Angeles. On Memorial Day.

This made me laugh as well. "Anonymous reader" did add a correction later on, though:

Quick fact check: The Casanova Crew picnic was on July 25, 2010. Not Memorial Day. Still, there's no excuse for a bunch of "players" throwing a sausage fest in Griffith Park in the summertime. 

...which I just mention for the sake of completeness, and because I am a bit anal about details.

It is indeed a problem that some guys are completely deluded. One picture is currently making the rounds among the anti-PUAs, and it is this one:

Thanks to "Tryhards" for digging up this picture!

When I saw it, I was literally looking at it for something like ten seconds just to process it, before I erupted in boundless laughter. Reality really is stranger than fiction. I don't even know where to start here, but let me tell you once thing: If the guys in the audience had any clue, they'd get up and leave. I hope that just one or two among them figured out that something is seriously wrong here and stayed to watch this utter train wreck Vince Kelvin. Seriously, you've got some dude who tries his best to look like a fucked-up fifteen-year old, demonstrating pickup on a girl most butch lesbians would turn down. And you thought picnicking with the Casanova Crew guys was a bad idea...

Generation Nihilism reviews Minimal Game

I don't know whether you are familiar with Generation Nihilism, but if you are not, you should definitely check it out. It's a blog containing musings and often hilarious stories of a happy bachelor. Since I like this blog and sensed that the author comes from a similar place as I do, I asked him whether he'd be interested in reading and reviewing Minimal Game. He was, and this is why you can now read about his opinion of my book.

His perspective is most interesting because he is not associated with the pickup community and was never involved with it. By his own admission, he thinks that "a ton of PUA stuff is fucking stupid." So, if you want to know what a genuine "player" (as opposed to a guy who went through PUA at one point in his life) thinks of my book, read on:

Believe it or not, this was actually the first Game book I have ever read, and I was looking forward to possibly learning a thing or two along the way. Shit, I even took notes for the first time in years. 

So what is Minimal Game all about? It really is all in the title. Forgoing fancy evo-psych explanations and complicated routines, peacocking, and all that other stuff, Sleazy breaks down approaching, attraction, and closing to the simplest of forms.

[...]

Written as it is for beginners, Minimal Game is good shit. If I was a newbie, this would be a book I would want handed to me, and even reading it now it helped to refocus some things for me and highlight some things I have lazily gotten away from. Sleazy rightly keeps the scope of his book to foundational stuff, and you won’t have your head swimming with hundreds of steps and lines and routines. He writes it all in simple language with concepts that are easy to grasp, with knowledge you can use right away. I know I’ve said simple and minimal a lot during this review, but really, that’s what his stuff is. And that’s a good thing.

Illuminatus reviews Minimal Game

Illuminatus, whom you may know from Personal Power Mediation or as "Corvette" from the olden days of mASF recently wrote a lengthy review of Minimal Game. He does a systematic analysis of the content, but it's not dry at all. In fact, I did find some passages truly heart-warming, such as his statement that,

[t]he wisdom in this book is so simple, yet so accurate, that it is the sort of thing fathers should be telling to their sons when they come of age.

He furthermore gives an interesting guide on how to read the book, geared towards people who are frequent readers of self-help books. You could be forgiven for thinking that books in this genre are sold by the pound. Just have a look at the tomes Tony Robbins has put out. In this vein, Illuminatus advises:

I therefore urge anyone reading this book, especially newcomers to seduction, to take their time and really consider each point Sleazy discusses. It is all too easy when reading a self-help book to skim a paragraph, think “I’ve already got this area handled”, and move on without really looking into whether or not this is the case. I have to make this point quite clear, because I have met up with several guys from the seduction community in the past and commonly found that each guy has at least one basic area where they are simply not doing what they are told.

If you have some spare minutes, I can only encourage you to have a look at Illuminatus's review of Minimal Game , and if it piques your interest, I would of course appreciate if you bought a copy for yourself, if you haven't already done so.

Why Cold Approaching is Pretty Much Useless

One of the basic ideas of the pickup community is the necessity of “cold approaches.” Often, you could get the impression that anything else doesn’t really count. Real PUAs go through hundreds of rejections before they finally get to enjoy the fruit of their labor. This is at least as the shared mythology goes.

In this article, I will show you that the concept of cold approaching is misleading. Please keep your pitchfork in your barn, because if you read on with an open mind, you will not only learn something about about male-female interactions, but you will also understand why, as guys gain more experience, their “batting average” often goes up significantly. No, it is not because their “game” got better. It’s something else.


Depending on the amount of community brainwashing you have undergone, it may be hard for you to swallow that success due to a genuinely cold approach does not exist. It is only due to ignoring or misinterpreting social cues that a guy thinks he got laid off a cold approach. Feel free to disagree with me later, but please read on, and carefully consider my point. In the end, you may even find that you agree with me.

I recently had an exchange with a commercial pickup coach in the comment section of my blog. In the article I had posted, I was mocking a rather illustrious character of the industry for wasting his time roaming the streets in his never-ending search for pussy. Success is not a friend of his. In the videos this guy posts, it is clear to see that the women normally aren’t interested at all and are only polite to him. The other aspect I pointed out was the absurd amount of time “sarging” takes. I met a handful of street gamers, and they all told me that their actual “conversion rate” (their terminology, not mine), was rather low.

Paul Janka, who is arguably the king of day game, says that he has sex with about 10% of the women whose number he gets. If you paid attention in middle school, you can deduce from this that the actual success rate is even lower since not all the women he approaches will give him their number. No, I do not want to bash Janka. I don’t know what he’s been up to recently, but my view of him is that he belongs to the very, very few honest dating coaches on this planet. Just keep the figure in mind for the following part.

Of course, there are ways to integrate “cold approaching” into your daily life, so that it comes at virtually zero cost. But once you free up time in your schedule to “sarge HBs”, the situation is much less favorable. I was mentioning a pickup coach who commented on my blog before. He said something like, “You may be right in general, but what if you have enough time for street game?” This is a nonsensical objection, and here is why:

You may think that you can take out one or two hours a day to do street game, and talk to girls who, for the very most part, will give you no indication that they have any interest in you. That’s of course because they don’t have any. I don’t care how good looking you think you are — most girls will just not be interested in you. (In me neither.) To increase your odds, you could therefore do something with your time you really enjoy. Surely, there is something that’s more compelling than getting rejected by one girl after another in streets and shopping malls.

The alternative is to pursue a social activity that allows you to easily meet women with whom you have something in common with. This instantly turns cold approaches into warm approaches! Let’s just compare two people: Pete PUA and Chris Common-Sense. Pete says to Chris, “Dude, you’re such a loser. You do gay shit like yoga and dancing, while I pickup chicks on da streets every day!!1” But what does Chris actually do? He enjoys yoga and find that it tones his body nicely. Because he really excels at it, there are plenty of hot girls around who give him fuck-me eyes. It seems that some “gay shit” like the crane pose easily gets him dates, and eventually laid.

Further, Chris likes music, especially tango. Salsa is not really his thing, so he doesn’t go there. But what happens at a typical tango class? Chris normally finds that there are about two girls for every guy, that the girls have on average more class than your random girl walking the streets (excuse the bad pun!). Even better is that some of those do indeed seem to be looking.

If you now think, “Sleazy, you’re just making this up!” I have to tell you that I don’t. I have spent about three years doing yoga, and it is my experience that is indeed fairly easy to talk to the girls there. You basically just have to go there. Of course, this only works if you go to classes because you like yoga, and not, like your typical PUA creep, to hit on girls. Dancing classes are just as excellent a venue to meet girls who already have something in common with you, but I won’t bore you with the details as it is just like in yoga. Even better is that you get to know the girls on a physical level. Just think of all the “kino” you could do, bro!

While Pete PUA spends much more time “sarging HBs”, his actual success rate will be fairly low. In the worst case, he’ll be like your average PUA and all the numbers turn out to flake. His buddy Chris, on the other hand, meets girls literally as an added bonus to acquiring interesting skills and staying in shape. After one year, he can probably start thinking about dancing tango competitively, while his buddy is at a risk of getting an account for Zan Perrions’s Ars Amatoria forum, where he can tell the crowd that he’s gotten one date out of about a thousand approaches, but that all is fine because he enjoyed making the girls feel desired. (I wish I had made this up.)

Let me deal with the objections I presume some of you will have.

1) “Geez, Sleazy, you built yourself a reputation as a club gamer, which was nothing but cold approaching! And don’t tell me you liked those places!!”

Indeed, I did enjoy the night clubs I went to. I loved the music, the crowd, and the ambience. With very, very few exceptions I did stay away from mainstream clubs. As people who want to get into some of my old hangouts week after week notice, the door man is indeed an obstacle, and the patrons are carefully selected. This was true for the indie/electro scene in London, and to a lesser extent it is true for the techno scene in Berlin. If the guy at the door doesn’t like you, you probably have to check out a mainstream venue afterwards.

However, what people who either don’t go out regularly, or who go out indiscriminately, not realize is that the guys at the door don’t reject people randomly. They only tell you to take a hike if you don’t fit into the crowd. Yes, “there’s too many guys inside” and “sorry, we’re full” are just excuses to allow you to save face. When I was once walking down to one of my favourite watering holes in Soho in London, and, after considerable time in the queue, thought I was about to get in, the door guy pulled me aside, and whispered, “Just stay here for a while. We’re a bit packed right now.” Seconds later, he was telling the next bunch of people the same old excuses. Bottom line: If you fit in, you’ll get in, and if you get in, you pretty much have a stamp of approval on your forehead, and will normally find it easy to talk to the people.

2) “But dude, cold approaching works. It really does! I just had a date last week, after hitting on 98 girls in a row. And just earlier today, I got seven more numbers.”

As I said above, the success rates for genuine cold approaches are very low. Of course, sometimes you’ll get a girl, and if you are Harvard-educated, and as eloquent and handsome as Paul Janka, you may end up banging then percent of all the girls whose number you get. However, as you get more experience in general, your ratio will usually go up a lot. This is not because you get “better at game” but because you learn to read signals better, and focus on girls who are potentially receptive. Thus, you skip all the questionable cold approaches. This is the truth behind cold approaches, and, to take a page out of the marketing book of PUAs, this is indeed “one of the truths PUAs don’t want you to know.”



The reason why you may now think that your game is decent and that you “convert x percent of your cold approaches” is just that you can’t yet read signals properly and approach indiscriminately. While you “run the same game” on every girl, you just happen to occasionally bump into one that just likes you. Since you are more concerned with your game than her reaction to your presence, you may miss that she’s been glancing over three times already. Being blind to the obvious, you think that “game” got you the girl. However, with a more perceptive eye, you’d have to do a fraction of the approaches, and will have a much better turnout.



All of this doesn’t mean that you’ll now suddenly get every girl, but by focussing on girls you have something in common with and who are potentially interested, you’ll do so much better. Heck, maybe pickup will even start to become fun for you, and stop being a source of constant frustration. It’s the warm approaches that eventually get you the girls. Your cold approaches get you barely anything, and the little you get feels like work, because it is. Just think of all the “shit tests” you have to “plow through” now… Imagine you’d instead be among women who think, “Hm… I wonder who that guy is!”

Guest Review of Minimal Game by TheLetter

The other review of Minimal Game I recently received was from TheLetter, whom some of you know from the old mASF days. He points out the dramatic differences between Minimal Game and your typical community dating advice book. Enjoy!



Disclaimer: Aaron Sleazy is a personal friend of mine, and we've visited each other a few times and gone out. I've seen him pull off the kinds of seductions he wrote about in Sleazy Stories with my own eyes. As a courtesy, he sent me a couple copies, but given the price I would have probably bought it anyway. I bought a copy of the earliest print of Sleazy Stories. He's been a mentor and a friend in my development as a man and a seducer, so feel free to question my objectivity.

When I finally got around to reading Minimal Game, I basically went cover-to-cover in a pretty short amount of time.

Minimal Game really succinctly covers the fundamentals of seduction about being an attractive guy, geared more towards guys who just want to bang more girls, as opposed to guys who want to make their entire life about banging girls. I've met more than a couple guys who became totally immersed in mainstream PUA community crap, and they do not end up as all-around awesome guys. They end up as creeps, who underperform relative to their looks and occasionally get lucky on sheer numbers.

Reading the book reminded myself of some obvious things, that I learned and forgot in my history of following Sleazy's writings. I will probably re-read it every time I come back from a hiatus where I have to reboot my sex-life after spending some time in other areas of personal development. I do a similar exercise with Razorjack's mASF archives, but this is way, way, way more succinct. This is not a book about routines or gimmicks. It's about how to have the behaviors, fashion, and lifestyle of an attractive guy where women are open to meeting you or even approaching you themselves.

Most "pickup" books are embarrassing to own. If I owned a copy of The Game, I'd be mortified if a girl ever found it in my home. The philosophy behind Minimal Game is so natural, honest and forthright, you could basically flip open any page, show it to a girl, and she'd think something on the spectrum of "Yeah, well, duh?!" to "Oh no! Guys aren't supposed to know that about us!"

My one quibble with the content is that there are some very frank opinions about the bare minimum physique a guy needs to be really successful with women. Sure, more height and a better body can never hurt, but as a short-statured guy in rather mediocre physical shape, I actually well over-perform relative to my looks. Some of that has to do with making the most of what I've got, but a lot of that has to do with the mindsets and attitudes I've learned from Sleazy over the years; much of that knowledge is distilled in Minimal Game. But in fairness, I think the writing there is to limit false expectations and to push readers to better themselves.

Price is very minimal, too. Aaron Sleazy is basically giving it away.
—TheLetter

Guest Review of Minimal Game by illuzsion

I've recently received two reviews of Minimal Game, and I'll gladly publish both on my blog. The first one is by illuzsion. He once called Debunking the Seduction Community the best book on pick-up he has ever read, but he seems to have changed his mind after reading through Minimal Game.

The review is interesting because it puts the content of my book in relation to his personal experiences. Without further ado, here's illuzsion's excellent review of Minimal Game:

Minimal Game is not a guide for wannabe Casanovas who have fantasy pipe-dreams of seducing any women they want. It is written for guys who want to get laid on a fairly regular basis, making best use of their limited time and effort. Those who have been exposed to The Game or any of the pickup fantasy fiction books are in for a shock as they read on.

The aim of Minimal Game is not a phone number, nor a kiss, or a date. It’s objective is crystal clear: sex! Those who have already been led astray by many of the commercial game theories that focus on verbal material can have a sigh of relief when they learn from world-renowned seducer Aaron Sleazy that your verbal skills are not just rather irrelevant when it comes to getting laid, but that they can actually be counterproductive in many situations. This is true, as many guys literally talk themselves out of pussy.

What is the foundation when starting out on the road to have satisfying sexual encounters with women? That is addressed in the first section of Minimal Game. When Sleazy says that it is about looks, and how attractive your life is that increases your chances to get laid, he gives full-fledged information on how to improve both these areas of your life. It would come as a surprise to most that the basic prerequisites are to like yourself and be comfortable with your sexuality. Sleazy just doesn’t say the most obvious things when it comes to getting your dick wet, but makes us sit and think for while as to why we don’t think for ourselves in improving our sex life in the first place.

The principal rule on which Minimal Game is built on is this: "Mate selection is the domain of the female." I myself have realized over a period of months of extensive cold approaching that this is not just true, but many guys tend to overlook this fact, which leads to intense feelings of frustration. It’s said that the ability to spot an opportunity, i.e. a receptive woman, and seal the deal quickly is what separates a player from the rest. Sleazy gives a lot of pointers on how to do this.

The community is entirely oblivious of what are the realistic average success rates of a guy who pursues random women for sex. Hence, guys fall into the trap of putting too much emotional energy into every single number they get or each single interaction that goes well. As most such women won’t be willing to spread their legs, this leads to guys ending up banging their heads against a brick wall. Sleazy's remark in a section with the heading "Curb your Enthusiasm" will help to be level-headed when we experience countless false starts.

The most important part of the book is where Sleazy lays bare the simple steps to initiate contact and the steps thereafter. He doesn’t recommend fancy openers or creepy introductions. I wont spoil the meaty part of this book by revealing what it is instead. It’s for you guys who have been reading this far to take a look at the paperback book for this part. It’s not a futuristic tactic but just how people were getting laid through ages ever since the days of cavemen.

The Roadblocks section helps you overcome the basic issues most men have that prevents them from scoring with the ladies. This section is deeply grounded in reality and understanding it will greatly reduce the learning curve of guys."Great Expectation" section shows how Disney and Hollywood have fucked up so many of us deep inside, even though we claim to be enlightened about male-female relationships due to exposure to the community. Picking the right girls and closing the deal quickly is what game is entirely about. Sleazy puts in very simple terms on how to do this efficiently and faster.

The section on various types of relationships surprised me with its crisp content. It's just a few pages in total, but it will put a lot of pressure off guys to learn that it’s not like rocket science either but is instead a natural but optional continuation after a successful seduction. Sleazy discusses all the various relationship arrangements with ease, and thus this section is a fitting conclusion to the best no-nonsense guide for a regular guy who is willing to take the steps necessary to get laid often!

Thanks to Sleazy for Minimal Game!

—illuzsion

...and I thank illuzsion for taking the time to write this review!